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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of shockingly fun games and other funny jokes |
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Weird Women Joke
Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angeltells Ford, 'Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention, the assembly line for the automobile, changed the world. As areward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven. 'Ford thinks about it and says, 'I wanna hang out with God, himself. ' The befeathered fellow at the gate takes Ford to theThrone Room and introduces him to God. Ford then asks God, 'Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman?' God says, 'Ah, yes. ' 'Well, 'says Ford, You have some major design flaws in your invention:l. There's too much front end protrusion2. It chatters at high speeds3. The rear end wobbles too much, and4. The intake is placed to close to the exhaust. ''Hmmm. . ' replies God, 'hold on. ' God goes to the CelestialSupercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the result. The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it. 'It maybe that my invention is flawed, ' God replies to Henry Ford, 'butaccording to my Computer, more men are riding my invention than yours. '
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Old Age Joke
You know you're getting older when. . .
Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.
Your little black book only contains names ending in M. D.
Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
You look forward to a dull evening.
Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
Your back goes out more than you do.
You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
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Funny Kids Joke
Q: What kind of money to polo bears use?A: Ice lolly!Q: Have you ever hunted bear?A: No, but I've been shooting in my shorts!Q: How do you start a teddy bear race?A: Ready, teddy, go!Q: What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?A: A bear faced lyre!Q: Why do bears have fur coats?A: Because they'd look stupid in anoraks!Q: What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?A: A teddy boar!Q: What should you call a bald teddy?A: Fred bear!Q: What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?A: A little bear!Q: What's yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown?A: Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear's forgotten cousin!Q: What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?A: Winnie the Pooh!
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Beauty Joke
What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter? The producer said she had the perfect face for radio.
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Blonde Joke - 2
Q. How do you know a blonde has been using a dishwasher? A. It's cloged up with paper plates.
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Kids Puns
Q: How many rednecks does it take to eat a possum?A: Three. One to eat it and two to watch for cars.
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Politics Humor
A little girl asked her father, 'Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with OnceUpon A Time?'And he replied, 'No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise. . . ''
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Bar Joke - 2
Twas the Night before X-masT'was the night before christmas- Old Santa was pissedHe cussed out the elves and through down his listMiserable little brats, ungrateful little jerksI have a good mind to scrap the whole worksI've busted my ass for damn near a yearInstead of thanks Santa what do I hearThe Old lady bitches cause I work late at nightThe elves want more money the reindeers all fightRudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS And just when I thought that things would get betterThose assholes from IRS sent me a letterThey say I owe taxes-if that ain't damn funnyWho the hell ever sent Santa Claus any moneyAnd the kids these days- they all are the pits They want the impossible. . . Those mean litttle shitsI spent a whole year making wagons and sledsAssembling dolls. . . . Their arms, legs, and headsI made a ton of yo yo's No request for them They want computers and robots. . . . . they think I'm IBMIf you thinks that bad. . . just picture thisTry holding their pants full of piss They pull on my nose they grab at my beard And if I don't smile the parents think I'm wierdFlying through the air. . . dodging the trees Falling down chimmneys and skinning their kneesI'm quitting this job. . . there's just no enjoymentI'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment There's no christmas this year. . . . now you know the reason I found me a blonde . . . I'm going south for the season
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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