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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of sesame street silly songs and other funny jokes |
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Weather Joke
What are hurricanes with a central dense overcast over the eye called? -Hurricanes with cataracts
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Weird Women Joke
How is a woman like a road? -Both have manholes.
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Hey idiot- You're driving a car, not a phone booth
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Christmas Joke - 1
1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants. 4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly. 5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say 'We hate Christmas, ' and 'Go away Santa. '7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home. 8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive. 9. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off. 10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, 'For The Tooth Fairy. :)' Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, 'For Santa. :('11. Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, 'Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime. '12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections. 13. While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire. 14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, 'Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!' and fire a gun. 15. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house. 16. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear. 17. Leave out a Santa suit, with an attached dry-cleaning bill. 18. Paint 'hoof-prints' all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been 'trampled. ' Threaten to sue for personal injury. 19. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs. 20. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, 'This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us.
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Funny Joke - 50 best Joke
Why couldn't the alligator send e-mails on his PC? Because it was on old croc.
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Lawyer Joke
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty, and many people donated to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. 'Only a shilling?' said the Justice, 'Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury twenty more of them. '
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Bumper Stickers - 6
Police line. DO NOT CROSS.
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Ethnic Joke - 1
Mr. Greenberg was an illiterate immigrant, but he worked hard, saved his pennies, and started a small business. It did well, and soon he had enough money to send for the wife and children. The work kept him very busy, so he never had time to learn to write, but the bank was happy to do business with him, even though his signature consisted of two X's. He prospered, he opened more stores, the kids were transferred to private schools, the family moved into a fancy house (with one staircase going nowhere just for show). . . you get the idea. One day his banker, Mr. Smith, asked him to drop by. 'So vat's the problem?' Greenberg asked, a bit anxiously. Smith waved a bunch of checks at him. 'Perhaps nothing, ' he said, 'but I wanted to be on the safe side. These recent checks of yours are all signed with 3 X's, but your signature of record has just 2. 'Greenberg looked embarrassed. 'I'm sorry about making trouble, ' he said, 'but my vife said that since I'm now such a high class rich guy, I should have a middle name!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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