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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of seriously fun swimming and other funny jokes |
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Funny College Joke
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense. Tom Clancy I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it. William Faulkner I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87. Steve Martin I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know. Mel Brooks It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous. Robert Benchley A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction. William Faulkner The free-lance writer is the person who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps. Robert Benchley
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Farming Joke
A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.
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Miscellaneous Joke
A photographer from a well known national magazine was assigned tocover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was sothick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for himto photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission torent a plane and take photos from the air. He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, 'Let's go!' The pilot swungthe little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in theair. The photographer said, 'Fly over the park and make two or three lowpasses so I can take some pictures. ''Why?' asked the pilot. 'Because I am a photographer, ' he responded, 'and photographers take photographs. 'The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, 'You meanyou're not the flight instructor?'
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Dumb People Joke
What would happen if we priced our 'COWS' using the same criteria the auto industry uses to price a 'CAR'?LIST PRICING A COWA farmer had been taken several times by the local car dealer. Oneday, the car dealer informed the farmer that he was coming overto purchase a cow. The farmer priced his unit as follows:BASIC COW. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $499. 9Shipping and handling. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35. 75Extra Stomach. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 79. 25Two Tone Exterior. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 142. 10Produce Storage Compartment. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 126. 50Heavy Duty Straw Chopper. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 189. 60Four Spigot/High Output Drain System. . . . . . . . . . . . . 149. 20Automatic Fly Swatter. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 88. 50Genuine Cowhide Upholstery. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 179. 90Deluxe Dual Horns. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59. 25Automatic Fertilizer Attachment. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 339. 404X4 Traction Drive Assembly. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 884. 16Pre-delivery Wash and Comb. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 69. 80______________________________________________FARMER'S SUGGESTED LIST PRICE: . . . . . . . $'2
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Three blondes were driving down the highway trying to get to Disneyland. They saw a sign that read 'DisneyLand Left. ' So they went home.
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Government Humor
The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news. 'Ma, ' he shouted, 'the results are in. I won the election!' 'Honestly?' The politician's smiled faded. 'Aw hell, ma, why bring that up at a time like this?'
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Bumper Stickers - 1
Subvert the Dominant Paradigm
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Funny Famous Joke
A little girl walks into her parents' bathroom and notices for the First time, her father's nakedness. Immediately, she is curious: he has equipment that she doesn't have. She asks, 'What are those round things hanging there, daddy?' Proudly, he replies, 'Those, sweetheart, are God's Apples of Life. Without them we wouldn't be here. ' Puzzled, she seeks her mommy out and tells her what daddy has said. To which mommy asks, 'Did he say anything about the dead branch they're hanging from?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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