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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of send jokes to my phone and other funny jokes |
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Bar Joke - 2
A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively 'You've got great hair!' The man looked around but couldn't see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer. A minute later, he heard the same soft voice say 'You're a handsome man!' The man looked around, but still couldn't see where the voice was coming from. When he went back to his beer, the voice said again 'What a stud you are!' The man was so baffled by this that he asked the bartender what was going on. The bartender said 'Oh, it's the nuts--they're complimentary. '
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Joke for Halloween
he Twelve Politically-Correct Days of Christmas On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my acquaintance-rape survivor gave to me, TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note. . . ), TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping, NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression, EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved bovine-Americans, SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands, SIX enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen nonhuman animal products, FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration, (Note: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised. )FOUR hours of recorded whale songs, THREE deconstructionist poets, TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses, . . . And a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
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Kids Puns
Kids: 'Hello Miss Saunders, can Johnny come out to play?' Mother: 'I am sorry kids but you know Johnny has leprosy, ' Kids: 'Well, then can we come in and watch him rot?'
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Village Idiot Joke
Ask the following to a Blonde to see if she is a DUMB BLONDE or a smart blonde. . . yeah right. . . 1. Who do want to be most like in life:A. Vanna WhiteB. Michelle FieferC. Britney SpearsE. None of the Above2. In a game of Hide-And-Go Seek, do you:A. Run when you see the seekerB. Stay hiding until the seeker finds youC. Run when the seeker sees youE. Follow the seeker quietly3. What happens when you get Alzheimers DiseaseA. You loose alot of weightB. Gain weightC. Get really smartD. Loose your memory4. How do you kill a bird:A. Hit itB. Throw it off a buildingC. Cook itD. All of the above5. What's an important question about pregnancyA. Is it mineB. How far along am IC. Is it a boy or girlD. What hospital should I go to for deliveryDon't read them this part:Results:1. A=5pts. B=3pts. C=2pts. D=1pt. 2. A=4B=5C=2D=33. A=4B=3C=5D=14. A=3B=5C=4D=15. A=5B=1C=3D=2TOTAL:20 =Official Dumb Blonde; 15-19=Pretty Dumb; 10-14=Not Bad; 9-Smart for a Blonde
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Satire Joke
1. I want you almost as much as I want world peace. 2. You can forget about going to heaven because it's sin to look that good. 3. We both know that I am going to follow you home anyway, so why don't you just come along peacefully?4. I envy your lipstick. 5. I just want to be loved - is that so wrong?6. You remind me of an ice cold Pepsi - I've just gotta have it. 7. Do you believe in the hereafter? Good, then you know what I'm here after. 8. If I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen. 9. Baby, you look so sweet you're giving me a cavity. 10. Is it me or am I gorgeous?11. I'd even marry your dog just to be related to you.
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Ant Joke
How come if ants are always so busy they always get time to show up at picnics ?
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Strange Humor
Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu, the waitress comes over and asks Clinton, 'Are you ready to order?' Clinton replies, 'Yes, I'd like aquickie!''A quickie?!?' the waitress replies. 'Sir, given the pastsituation of your personal life I don't think that is a good idea. I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu!' She walksaway. Gore leans over to Clinton and says, 'It's pronounced Quiche. '
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Worlds Best Joke
What do you call an open can of tuna in a Lesbians apartment?Po-pouri!!!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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