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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of scrubs comedy and other funny jokes |
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Dirty Joke
Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's table. Said the mysterious old woman, 'For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future. ' Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, 'I can see that you have no girlfriend. ' 'That's true, ' said Paul. 'Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?' 'Yes, ' Paul shamefully admitted. 'That's amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?' 'Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters. '
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Top 100 Joke
Questions that have Confused humankind!!a. . Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'llsqueeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'a. . Who was the first person to say 'See that chicken there. . . . I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt. 'a. . Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to ahorrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?a. . Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?a. . If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?a. . Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?a. . If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?a. . Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?a. . Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?a. . Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! a. . What do you call male ballerinas?a. . Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??a. . If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, whydidn't he just buy dinner?a. . If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?a. . If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made fromvegetables, then what is baby oil made from?a. . If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?a. . Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?a. . Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have thesame tune? a. . Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?a. . Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?a. . Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he can't wait to stick his head out the window into the wind?a. . Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
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Joke for Kids
The guy next to us was listening for quite some time, when hefinally came over to our table and said. . . 'I am Polish and I cantake a Polish joke as well as the next Polack, but your continuedbashing of my race is getting a little old. Could you please changethe subject?We did. Shortly thereafter. . . . . my friend had to to to the bathroom and theburly Polack got up and followed him into the bathroom. They were in there for QUITE A WHILE and when they FINALLY came out, I asked my friend what 'What happened in there?'He said 'Well, you saw him follow me into the can. . . . . . . Well hepulled a RAZOR ON ME!Really scared the hell out of me! And boy oh boy would I have everbeen in a pickle if he had fould a place to PLUG IT IN!
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Funny College Joke
Yo mama so fat, when she plays hopscotch, she plays like this. . . New York, Chicago, New Orleans, L. A.
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Ethnic Humor
An American woman and an Iranian woman are in the supermarket. The Iranian woman picks up two potatoes and says, 'These remind me of my husband's testicles. ' The American woman says, 'That big?' The Iranian woman says, No. . . that dirty. '
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Funny Kids Joke
What kind of pole is short and floppy?A tadpole!
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Science Joke
How many gay men does it take to put in a light bulb?Only one. . . but it takes an entire Emergency Room to get it out.
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War Joke
The Company Commander and the 1st Sgt, were in the field. As they hit the sack for the night, the 1SG said: 'Sir, look up into the sky and tell me what you see. ' The CO said 'I see millions of stars. ' 1st Sgt. : 'And what does that tell you, sir?' CO: Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Top?' 1st Sgt. : 'Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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