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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of scary halloween jokes and other funny jokes |
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Barbie doll Joke
There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Headgear Barbie . . . guaranteed to make kids with braces feel better!
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Car and train Joke
A man whose son had just passed his driving test went home one evening and found that the boy had driven slap into the living room. 'How did you manage to do that?' he fumed. 'Quite simple, Dad. I came in through the kitchen and turned left!'
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Website Joke
What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address? Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.
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Dumb Joke
Which condom would you use. . . . Nike Condoms: Just do it. Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling. Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby. Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop. Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker. Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing. Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman. Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, its that simple. Ford Condoms: The best never rest. Chevy Condoms: Like a rock. Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey-- you never know. California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever. KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good. Coca Cola Condoms: Always a Real Thing. Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one. Cambells Soup Condoms: Mm, mm good. The Carl's Jr. Condom: If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face. . . General Electric: We bring good things to life!AT&T condom: 'Reach out and touch someone. 'Bounty: The quicker picker upper. Microsoft: where do you want to go today ?Energizer: It keeps going and going and going. . . . M&M condom: 'It melts in your mouth, not in your hands!'Chevron: use them? people do. Taco Bell: get some; make a run for the borderMCI: for friends and familyDouble Mint: Double your pleasure, double your fun!The Sears latex condom: One coat is good for the entire winterDelta Airlines travel pack: Delta's ready when you areUnited Airlines travel pack: Fly UnitedThe Star Trek Condom: To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone BeforeWendy Condoms: Where's the beef?Denny's Condoms: $1. 99 Grand SlamMazda Condom: It Just Feels Right!Maxwell House: Good to the last drop!McDonalds condom: Over 99 billion servedHewlett Packard condoms: Expanding PossibilitiesBurger King: Have it your wayDairy Queen: We treat you rightAOL: So easy to use, no wonder it's #1
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock Who's there ! Butch ! Butch who ? Butch your arms around me !
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Doctor Joke
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, 'So hows your breakfast this morning?' 'Its very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I cant seem to get used to the taste, ' the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labelled 'KY Jelly. '
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Kids Puns
If restaurants functioned like shrink-wrapped (Microsoft) software:Patron: Waiter!Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?Patron: There's a fly in my soup!Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time. Patron: No, it's still there. Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead. Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there. Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?Patron: A SOUP bowl!Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour. Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato. Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now. [waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check. Patron: This is potato soup. Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet. Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything. [waiter leaves. ]Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!The check:Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5. 00Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . . . . . . $2. 50Access to support . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $1. 00
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School Joke
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: 'The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. '
He continued, 'Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?'
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: 'How much for a season pass?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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