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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of rude wedding jokes and other funny jokes |
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School Joke
Mother: Does your teacher like you ? Son: Like me, she loves me. Look at all those X's on my test paper !
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Travel Humor
A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira, one of the highest mountains in the Americas. Their guide pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been discovered. They had died in the act of making love. 'How awful !' exclaimed the wife. 'Si, but what a great way to spend eternity. ' added the husband.
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Cow Joke
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
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Assorted Joke
A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear. He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear?In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims, - 'Damn, some asshole has my pen!'
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Friendship Joke
Mr. Schneider stood up in court. 'As God is my judge, I do not owe my ex-wife any money. ' Glaring down at him, the judge replied, 'He's not. I am. You do. '
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Elderly People Joke
A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. 'How are you grandpa?' he asks. 'Feeling fine, ' says the old man. 'What's the food like?''Terrific, wonderful menus. ''And the nursing?''Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you. ''What about sleeping? Do you sleep okay?''No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet, and that's it. I go out like a light. 'The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he rushes off to question the Nurse in charge. 'What are you people doing?' he asks. 'I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?''Oh, yes, ' replies the nurse. 'Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him rolling out of bed. '
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Love and Marriage Joke
There was a man who said, 'I never knew what happiness was until I got married. . . and then it was too late!'Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through hell. A Code of Honor: Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really attractive. -- Bruce FriedmanA coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. -- Marvin KitmanA gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present. A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke. A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. -- Helen Rowland
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Cannibal Joke
Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other 'I don't like your friend. ' The other one said, 'Well, put him to one side and just eat the vegetables. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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