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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of rude golf jokes and other funny jokes |
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Funny Famous Joke
How to Shower Like a Woman 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups 4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. 5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. 6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. 7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes. 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 10. Rinse conditioner off hair. 11. Shave armpits and legs. 12. Turn off shower. 13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. 14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. 15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs. 16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. 17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. How To Shower Like a Man 1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. 2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. 3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your a**. 4. Get in the shower. 5. Wash your face 6. Wash your armpits. 7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. 8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower. 9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. 10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. 11. Shampoo your hair. 12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. 13. Pee. 14. Rinse off and get out of shower. 15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. 16. Admire wiener size in mirror again. 17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. 18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. 19. Throw wet towel on bed.
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Funny School Kids Joke
Some of the kids say the school's canteen food is out of this world.
Other's wish it was out of their stomachs.
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Ethnic Joke - 2
Q: Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children? A: They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.
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Spoof Joke
Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, miss, me, me!'Teacher says 'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'Little Johnny says 'Mas-tur-bate. 'Teacher smiles and says 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful. 'Little Johnny says 'No, miss, you're thinking of a blowjob. I'm talking about a wank. '
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Bible Joke
A few years ago, when the Catholic church reform began to be much in the news, Mrs. Moskowitz said to Mrs. Finkelstein, 'Tell me, Becky, have you heard by chance what's going on in Rome?' 'No, ' said Mrs Finkelstein. 'I haven't. What's going on in Rome?' 'A meeting of high Catholic churchmen has, among other things, decided that the Jews are not responsible for the crucifixion of Jesus. ' Mrs Finkelstein raised her eyebrows. 'Indeed? And who is responsible, then?' 'I'm not sure, ' said Mrs. Moskowitz. 'I think they suspect the Puerto Ricans. '
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Joke for Kids
Soon after the Texas Aggie clocked in for work, the foreman called him over and told him that he had a phone call in the front office. When the Aggie returned, he had a mournful expression on his face and his head hung low. His foreman noticed and asked if he had received bad news. 'Shure was, Boss' he replied, 'I just found out that my mother died earlier this morning. 'Gosh, that's awful, ' replied the foreman 'Do you want the rest of the day off?''No, ' replied the Aggie. 'I'll finish the day out. 'About an hour later, the foreman returned to inform him that there was another phone call for him up front. This time when the Aggie returned he looked twice as glum and the foreman asked if everything was alright. 'Jezz, Boss this has to be the worst day of my life, ' Moaned the Aggie. 'That was my brother, and his mother died today too!'
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Travel and tourist Joke
The transatlantic liner was experiencing particularly heavy weather, and Mrs Jones wasn't feeling well. 'Would you care for some more supper, ma'am?' asked the steward. 'No, thanks, ' replied the wretched passenger. 'Just throw it overboard to save me the trouble. '
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Business Joke
Q: What do you call a credit union volunteer in a room full of bank directors?
A: A superior being.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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