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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of roy brown jokes and other funny jokes |
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Dumb Joke
Confucious say:Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Man who stand on toilethigh on pot. It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better forboy to park meat in girl! Man who jizz in cash register come intomoney. Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time. Man who fartin church must sit in own pew. Man who finger girl having period getcaught red handed. Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam. Baseballwrong--man with four balls cannot walk. Man who eat many prunes getgood run for money. Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up withsmelly finger. Learn to masturbate--come in handy. Woman who pounceon dead rooster go down on limp cock. Man who buy drowned cat mustpay for wet pussy. Virgin like balloon--one prick, all gone.
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Book title Joke
Winning the Lottery by Jack Potts
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Worlds Best Joke
Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, 'Miss Smythe, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions. 'Miss Smythe gasped, then said freezingly, 'Mr. Perkins, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this!' With that she sat down red-faced. Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question. Miss Johnson, with composure replied, 'The pupil of the eye, in dim light. ''Correct, ' said Mr. Perkins. 'And now, Miss Smythe, I have three things to say to you:'One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment!'
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Music Joke
Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a chain saw? A: A chain saw has a dynamic range.
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Law Enforcement Joke
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight!Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said 'Why did you put up such a fight?'To which the man promptly replied 'I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!'
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Computer Joke
Jesus and Satan got into an argument over which of them was the better computer programmer. Finally God got tired of the bickering and told them that he would judge a contest between them. They each had four hours to write the best program they could, and then God would decide the winner. They both got down to business and wrote lines and lines of code. But just before the four hours were up there was a flash of lightning and a tremendous clap of thunder. The lights flickered, the power faltered, and both computer screens went dead. When power was restored, God declared that time was up and asked to see the results of their work. Jesus flipped on his computer and displayed the most elegant program you could imagine, with beautiful architecture and wonderful syllogisms, triumphs of multimedia sound and pictures -- all kinds of bells and whistles. God asked Satan what he had created, but Satan said, 'I've got nothing, absolutely nothing! My program was twice as good as that, but I lost it all when the power went out. Jesus must have cheated. How could he still have such a great program?' God replied, 'Everybody knows -- Jesus Saves. '
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Humor Joke
A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, 'Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please. 'The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes. The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and sits on one of the seats to wait for the bus. Along comes a bus. The dog walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus. The bus travels thru town and out to the suburbs. Eventually the dog gets up, moves to the front of the bus, and standing on his hind legs, pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, groceries still in his mouth, and the butcher still following. They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door. He goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door again!There's no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to a window, and bangs his head against it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the dog, really yelling at him. The butcher runs up and stops the guy. 'What the heck are you doing? This dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for God's sake!'To which the guy responds, 'Clever, my ass. This is the second time this week he's forgotten his key!'
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Bumper Stickers - 7
Where there's a will there's a BEER!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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