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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of roulette for fun and other funny jokes |
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Spelling Joke
Spell extra wise in two letters. YY (2 y's)
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Car and train Joke
A driver tucked this note under the windshield wiper of his automobile. 'I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment, and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses. ' When he came back he found a parking ticket and this note: 'I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation. '
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Police Joke
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this:
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.
Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.
Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer - do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.
Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.
Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.
Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.
R
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Yo momma Joke
Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise
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Fishing Joke
What do you get if you cross a salmon, a bird's leg and a hand ? Birdsthigh fish fingers !
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Short Stupid Joke
An old Jewish couple was sitting around one evening and he says to his wife, 'Sarah, we are about to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary, so tell me, have you ever been unfaithful to me?'She hesitated a while and said, 'Yes, 3 times. ''Three times!? how did it happen?' he asks. 'Well, do you remember right after we were married and we were broke and the bank was going to foreclose on our little house?''Yes, that was really a terrible time. ''Okay, well do you remember when I went to see the banker and the next day he extended our loan?'It is hard to believe, ' he said, 'but I guess it really was for us and I can forgive you. 'She continued, 'And do you remember years later when you almost died from the heart problem because we couldn't afford the operation?''Of course I remember. ''Well, then you also remember that right after I went to see the doctor he did your operation at no cost?''Yes, ' he said, 'that shocks me too but I understand you did it because of your love for me and I forgive you. But tell me, what was the third time?'She responded, 'Do you remember when you ran for Temple president. . . and needed 23 more votes?'
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Monster Joke
What do you call a monster with two wooden heads? Edward Woodward.
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Relationships Joke
A LIGHTER LOOK AT MARRIAGE Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied, 'Yes I am, I married the wrong man. ' Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's. A little boy asked his father, 'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?' And the father replied, 'I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it. ' Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son. Then there was a man who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why. Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you. ' And the husband replied, 'Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it. ' A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine. ' When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife. How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. - Jackie Mason Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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