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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of retirement humour and other funny jokes |
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Funny Men Joke
Why do men prefer blondes? Men always like intellectual company.
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Christmas Joke - 1
How did the chickens dance at the Christmas party ? Chick to chick !
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Friendship Joke
I was out with one of my best drinking buddies, George, and he was talking about marriage, and then his wife. He drank some, then said, 'Well, what it comes down to Jimmy, is. . . well. . . my wife knows nothing of my wants and needs. . . she's hardly ever in the mood for sex. . . I guess what it comes down to is that my wife just doesn't understand me at all, does yours ?' I thought about it a minute or two, then said. 'I don't think so George, as a matter of fact, I don't recall her ever even mentioning your name at all. '
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Joke for Holidays
Tips on Love (by kids, 5-10 years of age):WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?? 'Eighty-four, Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom. '(Judy, 8)'Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife. '(Tom, 5)WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?? 'On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. '(Mike, 10)WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?? 'You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding. ' (Jim, 10)'Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours. '(Kally, 9)THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?? 'It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them'(Lynette, 9)'It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble. '(Kenny, 7)CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE 'No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular. '(Jan, 9)'I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful. '(Harlen, 8)ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE 'Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life. '(Roger, 9) 'If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long. '(Leo, 7)ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE 'If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful. '(Jeanne, 8)'It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet. '(Gary, 7)'Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time. ' (Christine, 9)CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS 'They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them. '(Dave, 8)CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE 'I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'Sesame Street' is on television. '(Anita, 6)'Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me. ' (Bobby, 8)'I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough. ' (Regina, 10)THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER 'One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills. ' (Ava, 8)SOME SURE FIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU 'Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores. ' (Del, 6)'Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love. ' (Alonzo, 9)'One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me. '(Bart, 9)HOW CAN YOU TELL IF 2 ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE? 'Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love. '(John, 9)'Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food. '(Dave 8)'It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are. . . on fire. ' (Christine, 9)WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY 'I LOVE YOU' 'The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day. '(Michelle, 9)HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS 'You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you. '(Doug, 7)'It might help to watch soap operas all day. ' (Carin, 9)WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? 'It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you. That's why I stopped doing it. '(Jean, 10)HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE 'Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work. ' (Tom, 7) 'Don't forget your wife's name. That will mess up the love. ' (Roger, 8)'Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash. '(Randy, 8)
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Fishing Joke
How much fishing tackle can a man accumulate before his wife throws him out? I don't know the answer but I think I'm nearly there.
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Dog Joke - 2
What is a collie puppy's favorite toy? A chew-chew train!
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At Work Joke
Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. 'What's the story this time, Jones?' he asked sarcastically. 'Let's hear a good excuse for a change. 'Jones sighed, 'Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river (look, my suit's still damp), ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes. ''You'll have to do better than that, Jones, ' said the boss, obviously disappointed. 'No woman can get ready in ten minutes. '
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Celebrities Joke
Little Johnny goes up to his mother and asks, 'Is God male or female?'After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, 'Well, honey, God isboth male and female. 'This confuses Little Johnny, so he asks, 'Is God black or white?''Well, God is both black and white. 'This further confuses him so he asks, 'Is God gay or straight?'At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers nonetheless, 'Honey, God is both gay and straight. 'At this Little Johnny?s face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks, 'Mom, is God Michael Jackson?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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