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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of recycling fun and other funny jokes |
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Priceless Joke
A Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead walk into a bar. The bartender tells them that in the restroom, there is a magic mirror. If you tell the truth in front of it, you get the one thing you desire the most. But if you lie in front of it, you disappear and you can never come back. So, the redhead goes into the restroom and stands in front of the mirror. 'I think that I am the most beautiful person in this bar. ' And the Redhead walks out with a brand new red car. Then the Brunette goes into the restroom and says to the mirror, ' I think Im the smartest person in this bar. ' And she gets a million dollars. Then the Blonde goes into the restroom and says to the mirror, ' I think. . . ' POOF! She disappears.
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Funny Famous Joke
Q. - How do you keep a black kid from jumping on the bed?A. - Put velcro on the ceiling.
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Dumb Blonde Joke
I offered a blonde a penny for her thoughts
. . . . she gave me change!
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Marriage Joke
One weekend four married guys went golfing. During the 4th hole, the following conversation took place.
First Guy: 'You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend. '
Second Guy: 'That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool. '
Third Guy: 'Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her. '
They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him. 'You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?'
Fourth Guy: 'I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, 'Golf course or intercourse?' She said, 'Don't forget your sweater. ''
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Farmer Joke
A jogger running down a country road is startled as a horse yells at him 'Hey-come over hear buddy'. The jogger is stunned but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks'Were you talking to me'? The horse replies'Sure was, man I've got a problem. I won the Kentucky Derby a few years ago and this farmer bought me and now all I do is pull a plow and I'm sick of it. Why don't you run up to the house and offer him $'5
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Mental health Joke
Great news, Mr. Oscarson, the psychiatrist reported. 'After eighteen months of therapy, I can pronounce you finally and completely cured of your kleptomania. You'll never be trapped by the desire to steal again. ' 'Gee, That's great, Doc, ' the patient replied. 'And just to prove it, I want you to stop by Sears on the way home and walk the length of the store. You'll see - you'll feel no temptation to shoplift whatsoever. ' 'Oh, Doctor, whatever can I do to thank you?' 'Well, ' suggested the psychiatrist, 'if you DO have a relapse, I could use a new microwave. '
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Satire Joke
A fellow was ordered by his Dr. to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM. 'Guaranteed like hell' he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them and subscribes to the 3 day/10 pound weight loss program. The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, beautiful, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes, and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weightloss company. The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me!' Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, 'I like the way this company does business!' The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs as promised. So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/20 lb. program. As expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her that reads, 'If you catch me, you can have me. 'He's out the door after her like a shot!This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her, but when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he's ever had. For the next 4 days, the same routine happens and much to his delight, on the 5th day he weighs himself and found he has lost another 20lbs as promised!!!!He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/50lb. program!! 'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most rigorous programme. . . ''Absolutely, ' he replies. 'I haven't felt this good in years!'The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads: 'If I catch you, I can have you!'
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Hair and bald Joke
Your so bald, I can see what your thinking.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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