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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of recent comedy films and other funny jokes |
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Drunks Joke
If government is going to put health warning labels on beer, wine and liquor, let's at least have a little truthfulness about the matter! WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY THINK while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants (panties) anyway. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember). WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer, and smarter than some really, really huge biker guy named 'Big Al'.
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Men Joke
Men are like copiers. You need them for reproduction, but That's about it.
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Joke for Halloween
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves when the little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, 'Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole. 'The grandfather smiles. 'I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole. 'The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole. The grandfather, impressed with his grandson's ingenuity, hands him five dollars . . . then grabs the hair spray and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says, 'Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars?'The grandfather replies, 'Yes, I know. But that's from your grandma!'
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Cow Joke
What do you call it when one bull spies on another bull? A steak-out!
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Waiter Joke
Customer: Waiter, there's a button in my salad. Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing.
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Dumb Joke
*** Real courtroom transcipts. . . courtesy of real idiots. ***( Oops! My brain just hit a bad sector. )Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? A. No, I said he was shot in the LUMBAR region. Q. Are you married? A. No, I'm divorced. Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him? A. A lot of things I didn't know about. Q. Did he pick the dog up by the ears? A. No. Q. What was he doing with the dog's ears? A. Picking them up in the air. Q. Where was the dog at this time? A. Attached to the ears. Q. And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. O. K. ? What school do you go to? A. Oral. Q. How old are you? A. Oral. Q: Do you drink when you're on duty?A: I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk. Q: What can you tell us about he truthfulness and veracity of this defendant?A: Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she'd kill that sonofabitch- and she did!Q: Are you sexually active?A: No, I just lie there.
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War Joke
A company in the Foreign Legion had spent three years in the Sahara desert never having seen a woman. They finally decide to send one private on vacation to the nearest town to spend some time with a woman and tell themall about it. After a week the private comes back all happy and relaxed. The whole company crowds around him waiting to hear of his great escapades. 'And on the third day. . . ' he began. 'No! no! start with the first day, ' Everyone yells out in chorus. 'And on the third day, ' the private continues ' she asked me to stop so she could go to the bathroom. . . '
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Stupid Men
What's the difference between a man and a whale?
Whales mate for life.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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