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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of really funny video and other funny jokes |
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Law Enforcement Joke
Speeding
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, may I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
Captain: Whose car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Really? Ain't that something? And I'll bet the lying sucker told you I was speeding, too . . .
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Face Joke
Teacher: What a glum face, what would you say if I came to school with a face like yours ? Pupil: I'd be too polite to mention it !
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Situation Joke
In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful youngwoman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tightleather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots andjacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to geton, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allowher leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus drivershe reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinkingthat this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Againshe tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover shestill couldn't! So, a little more embarrassed she once againreached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and fora second time attempted the step and once again, much to herchagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzippedthe offending skirt to give a little more slack and again wasunable to make the step. About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the linepicked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly onthe step of the bus. Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be heroscreeching at him 'How dare you touch my body!! I don't evenknow who you are!' At this the Texan drawled 'Well ma'am normally I would agreewith you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kindafigured that we was friends. '
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Military Joke
An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says 'Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!' So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked 'How did you do it?' 'Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, 'Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!'
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At Work Joke
The company president called the chief security guard into his office. 'Chuck, we've received a complaint from one of the employees that you are making obscene sexual comments and putting your hands where they don'tbelong. These unwanted advances will have to stop. ' Chuck looked down at his feet and mumbled, 'I'm sorry, Sir. I won't' do it again. ' The company president said, 'I'm sure Ms. Jones will be happy to hear that. ' Chuck's face lit up. 'Ms Jones?!!!! I was afraid that Bob in Accounting was complaining!!!!'
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Naughty Joke
Q: Did you hear about the call girl who accidentally made two appointments at the same time?A: She managed to squeeze them both in.
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Blonde Joke - 2
Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer? A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
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Insect Joke
What bee is good for your health ? Vitamin bee !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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