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injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of real deal comedy jam and other funny jokes |
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Farmer Joke
How does the pig farmer get to the fair? He rides piggyback.
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Simple Joke
17. 'I finished the Oreo's. ' 16. 'Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds. ' 15. 'Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby. ' 14. 'I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever. ' 13. 'Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the SuperBowl. ' 12. 'Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella. ' 11. 'Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt. ' 10. 'Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!' 9. 'I'm jealous. Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?' 8. 'Are your ankles supposed to look like that?' 7. 'Get your *own* ice cream. ' 6. 'Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today. ' 5. 'Got milk?' 4. 'Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney. ' 3. 'Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!' 2. 'Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water. ' And the Number 1 Fatal Thing To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant. . 1. 'You don't have the guts to pull that trigger. '
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Naughty Joke
A guy rings work and says 'I can`t come in to work today as I`m sick'The voice at the other end asks 'How sick are you ??'The guy says 'Well I`m in bed with my 12 year old son !!'
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Ethnic Joke - 2
What's the national anthem of Puerto Rico?'Attention K-Mart shoppers. . . '
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Food and Drink Joke
Food quotes, quips, and thoughts . . . 'Artichokes . . . are just plain annoying . . . After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual 'food' out of eating an artichoke as you would rom licking thirty or forty postage stamps. Have the shrimp cocktail instead. ' -- Miss Piggy'The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. ' --Sam Levinson'This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn't say how far to separate them. ' -- Gracie Allen'I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. ' -- Erma Bombeck'I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. ' -- Joe E. Lewis'I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead. ' -- Woody Allen'Food is an important part of a balanced diet. ' -- Fran Lebowitz'Health food makes me sick. ' -- Calvin Trillin'Watermelon -- it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face. ' -- Enrico Caruso'Old people shouldn't eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get. ' -- Robert Orben
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Bumper Stickers - 5
Life is 10% what you make it and 90% how you take it.
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Police Joke
A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife. 'You just won't believe what happened this evening , in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it. ' 'Oh yes dear, what happened ?' 'I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks. ' 'Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!! What did you do with them ?' 'Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off. '
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Armenia ! Armenia who ? Armenia every word I say !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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