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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
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and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of racist sms jokes and other funny jokes |
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Worlds Best Joke
A man phones home from his office and tells his wife: 'Something has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up. 'He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off. A week later he returns. His wife asks: 'Did you have a good trip, dear?'He says: ' Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas. 'His wife smiles and says, 'Oh no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box!'
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Computer Joke
Once you start playing with software you quickly become aware that each software package has a revision code attached to it. It is obvious that this revision code gives the sequence of changes to the product, but in reality there's substantially more information available through the rev-code than that. This article provides a guide for interpreting the meaning of the revision codes and what they actually signify.
1. 0: Also known as 'one point uh-oh', or 'barely out of beta'. We had to release because the lab guys had reached a point of exhaustion and the marketing guys were in a cold sweat of terror. We're praying that you'll find it more functional than, say, a computer virus and that its operation has some resemblance to that specified in the marketing copy. 1. 1: We fixed all the killer bugs . . . 1. 2: Uh, we introduced a few new bugs fixing the killer bugs and so we had to fix them, too. 2. 0:
We did the product we really wanted to do to begin with. Mind you, it's really not what the customer needs yet, but we're working on it. 2. 1: Well, not surprisingly, we broke some things in making major changes so we had to fix them. But we did a really good job of testing this time, so we don't think we introduced any new bugs while we were fixing these bugs. 2. 2: Uh, sorry, one slipped through. One lousy typo error and you won't believe how much trouble it caused ! 2. 3:
Some jerk found a deep-seated bug that's been there since 1. 0 and wouldn't stop nagging until we fixed it !! 3. 0: Hey, we finally think we've got it right! Most of the customers are really happy with this. 3. 1: Of course, we did break a few little things. 4. 0: More features. It's doubled in size now, by the way, and you'll need to get more memory and a faster processor. . . 4. 1: Just one or two bugs this time. . . Honest ! 5. 0: We really need to go on to a new product, but we have an installed base out there to protect. We're cutting the staffing after this. 6. 0: We had to fix a few things we broke in 5. 0. Not very many, but it's been so long since we looked at this thing we might as well call it a major upgrade. Oh, yeah, we added a few flashy cosmetic features so we could justify the major upgrade number. 6. 1: Since I'm leaving the company and I'm the last guy left in the lab who works on the product, I wanted to make sure that all the changes I've made are incorporated before I go. I added some cute demos, too, since I was getting pretty bored back here in my dark little corner (I kept complaining about the lighting but they wouldn't do anything). They're talking about obsolescence planning, but they'll try to keep selling it for as long as there's a buck or two to be made. I'm leaving the bits in as good a shape as I can in case somebody has to tweak them, but it'll be sheer luck if no one loses them.
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Yo momma Joke
Yo mama so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.
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Satire Joke
by Every guy in America:1. It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the toilet UP when you are done. 2. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to includesomething from each of the four major male food groups:*** Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red. ***3. Don't make him hold your purse in the mall. 4. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins deserving your contempt. 5. Shopping is not fascinating. 6. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking. 7. Unless the answer is yes. 8. In which case, can he videotape it?9. If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes. 10. The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill. 11. Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room is not funny. 12. Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada. 13. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble . . (ie Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time. 14. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it. 15. He heard you the first time. 16. You know, YOU can ask HIM out too. . . Let's spread the rejection around a little. 17. If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to. 18. Of COURSE he wants another beer. 19. The guy doesn't ALWAYS have to sleep on the wet spot. 20. Dogs good. Cats bad. 21. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny. 22. If he has to sit through 'Legends of the Fall', you have to sit through 'Showgirls'. 23. 'Fine. ' is not an acceptible way to end an argument. 24. Do not question a man's innate navigational abilities by suggesting he stop for directions. 25. He was not looking at that other girl. 26. Well, okay. . . maybe a little. 27. Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never looked at another guy. . . 28. There is nothing inherently wrong with the word 'motorcycle'. 29. He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you have ever met. 30. And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones. 31. Your (select appropriate item:) butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs look fine. As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good. Stop asking. 32. If you want a satisfying sex life, you will NEVER fake an orgasm. 33. It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual flow with him. 34. Remember: that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if left in the shower. 35. Two words: blow job. Learn it. Live it. Love it. 36. Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine, Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner. 37. Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier than you. Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking than him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating any of these people, love the one you're with. 38. Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of them all. 39. His (fill in appropriate selections:) bald spot/beer gut/impossibly thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash, is cute. 40. Don't hog the covers. 41. Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait until the halftime show to act upon that. . . 42. He does not just want to be friends. 43. A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the sentence:
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Bird Joke
What is the strongest bird ? A crane !
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Computer Joke
Q: What's the best way to accelerate a Mac? A: 9. 81 m/s2
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor, doctor my sister here keeps thinking she's invisible! What sister?
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?A: Butter is difficult to spread.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
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