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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of punjabi comedy film and other funny jokes |
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Miscellaneous Joke
So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for. There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away fron work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be damned if you are going to take that day off!
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Mad Joke
There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him. An angel hears his plea and appears to him. 'Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you. ' The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed. Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. St. Peter seeing the suitcase says, 'Hold on, you can't bring that in here!' But, the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying, 'You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through. ' St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, 'You brought pavement?!!!'
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Funny Kids Joke
Q: What did the confused bee say?A: To bee or not to bee!Q: What's black, yellow and covered in blackberries?A: A bramble bee!Q: What do bees do if they want to use public transport?A: Wait at a buzz stop!Q: What is the bees favorite film?A: The Sting!Q: What goes hum-choo, hum choo?A: A bee with a cold!Q: What's a bee-line?A: The shortest distance between two buzz-stops!Q: What is a baby bee?A: A little humbug!Q: What do bees chew?A: Bumble gum!Q: What does a bee say before it stings you?A: This is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you!Q: What kind of bee can keep an aeroplane dry?A: An aero-drone!
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor Doctor I think I'm a moth. So why did you come around then ? Well, I saw this light at the window. . . !
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College Humor
Q. Why does the wind blow from the north in Indiana?A. Kentucky sucks.
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Hair and bald Joke
How does a barber make phone calls? He cuts them short.
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Silliest Joke
What do you call a geriatric gynecologist?A spreader of old wives' tales!
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Bar Joke - 1
10. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth. 9. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you. 8. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. 7. Your idea of cutting back is less salt. 6. You can focus better with one eye closed. 5. You fall off the floor. 5. The whole bar greets you when you come in. 4. You haven't had a driver's license in such a long time that you have forgotten what one looks like. 3. Roseanne looks good. 2. You don't recognize your wife/husband unless seen through bottom of glass. 1. You spent more time on the floor than you do standing up.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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