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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of printable funny birthday cards and other funny jokes |
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Common Joke
A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: 'I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog. ''But how do you know when you are going to land?' he was asked. 'I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground' he answered. 'But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?' he was again asked. He quickly answered: 'Oh, the dog's leash goes slack. '
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Law and Lawyer Joke
Lawyer: 'Judge, I wish to appeal my client?s case on the basis of newly discovered evidence. 'Judge: 'And what is the nature of the new evidence?'Lawyer: 'Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left. '
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Pig Joke
If an elephant is the symbol of the Republican Party and a donkey is the symbol of the Democratic Party, what is a pig the symbol of? Any party where there's lots of food.
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Criminal Joke
What hired killer never goes to jail? The exterminator.
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Fun Funny Joke
What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What are they thinking -- 'Gosh, if we have a party there may not be enough standing room; I'd better carpet the toilet too. 'What's with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter. Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, 'Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly. 'Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, 'No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?' Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel. 'Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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Humorous Joke
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living. Just remember. . . if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them. Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor. You can't have everything, where would you put it?Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. Just remember, if you ever have to go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!
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Lawyer Joke
Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant. The judge ordered Taylor, 'You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can. 'After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone. When the judge asked where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied, 'You asked me to give him good advice. I found out that he was guilty, so I told him to split. '
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Bird Joke
Q: Why did the rooster cross the road? A: To get to the chick across the street!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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