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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of pretty good joke book and other funny jokes |
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Science Joke
Q: How do you get AIDS from a toilet seat? A: If you sit down before the other guy gets off.
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Q: Why are blonde's immune to Mad Cow Disease?
A: It only affects the brain.
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Blonde Joke - 1
A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced, 'go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them. 'A red head said, 'O. K. , what's the capital of Wyoming?' The blonde replied, 'Oh, that's easy, 'W'. '
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Bird Joke
What language do birds speak ? Pigeon English !
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Ethnic Joke - 1
State of Arkansas Residency Application Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (_) Farmer (_) Mechanic (_) Hair Dresser (_) Un-employed Spouse's Name: Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___ Mother's Name: Father's Name: (If not sure, leave blank) Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box) ___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_ Do you have a gun rack? (_) Yes (_) No; please explain: Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_) The National Enquirer (_) The Globe (_) TV Guide (_) Soap Opera Digest (_) Rifle and Shotgun ___ Number of times you've seen a UFO ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Not Applicable Color of teeth: (_)Yellow (_)Brownish-Yellow (_)Brown (_)Black (_)N/A Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know
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Silliest Joke
BONN, Germany (Reuter) -- Thousands of Germans are keeping unfortunate surnames such as Kotz (Vomit), Moerder (Murder), Brathuhn (Roast chicken) and even Hitler, even though they could legally change them, a magazine reported Sunday. The German phonebook lists hundreds of people with the surname Faul (Lazy), Fett (Fat), Dreckmann (Filth-man), Dumm (Stupid) and Schwein (Pig), the weekly Focus magazine said in an advance release ahead of publication Monday. Unflatteringly named Germans said that they mainly had problems with their names as children and that later in life they had decided not to bow to social pressure to change them. 'Why should I have a different name from my father and grandfather?' said one Herr Schwein.
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Restaurant Joke
An American tourist was lunching in a restaurant in China where the specialty was duck. The waiter explained each dish as he brought it to the table. 'This is the breast of the duck; this the leg of the duck; this is the wing of the duck; etc. ' Then came the dish that the American knew was chicken. He waited for the explanation. Silence. 'Well?' he finally asked, 'What's this?' The waiter replied, 'It's a friend of duck. '
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Great Joke
wo unemployed guys are talking. One says, 'I'm going to become a lion tamer. ' The other replies, 'That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming. ' 'Yes I do!' 'Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?' 'Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down. ' 'Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?' 'Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down. ' 'Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?' 'Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him. ' 'Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do then?' 'Well, then I pick up some of the shit that's on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of the cage. ' 'Well, what if there ain't no shit in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?' 'Well, that's dumb. Cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun don't work, there's going to be some shit on the bottom of that cage, you can bet on that. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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