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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of practical jokes for kids and other funny jokes |
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Bumper Stickers - 4
I have an attitude and I'm not afraid to use it.
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Kids Puns
Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They hadgone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, 'Watson, look up. What do you see?''Well, I see thousands of stars. ''And what does that mean to you?''Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. Whatdoes it mean to you, Holmes?''To me, it means someone has stolen our tent. '
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Mad Joke
Why did the blonde cross the road? I don't know. Neither did he.
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Joke for Kids
So , this penguin goes into a bar and says to the barman 'have you seen my brother?'. . . and the barman says 'I don't know, what does he look like?' (ba-dum-tish)
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Travel and tourist Joke
A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald's actually does serve beer. ) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: 'They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!' The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begins to chuckle. 'And what's so funny?!?' the New Yorker demands. 'Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food. '
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Cat Joke
Q: Why do cats eat fur balls? - A: Because they love a good gag!
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Bible Joke
A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes, and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes, a woman comes in and says, 'Father, forgive me for I have sinned. ' The priest asks, 'What did you do?' The woman says, 'I committed adultery. ' The priest says, 'How many times?' And the woman replies, 'Three. ' Priest: 'Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box, and go and sin no more. ' A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says, 'Father forgive me for I have sinned. ' 'What did you do?' I committed adultery. ' r\n 'How many times?' 'Three times. ' The priest says, 'Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more. ' The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it, so the priest leaves. A few minutes later another woman enters and says, 'Father, forgive me for I have sinned. ' The rabbi says, 'What did you do?' The woman replies, 'I committed adultery. ' The rabbi, getting it off pat, says, 'How many times?' The woman replies, 'Once. ' The rabbi said, 'Go and do it two more times, We have a special this week, three for $5. '
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Joke Online
The English language is not to be spoken. You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person. You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile. You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of 'eavesdropping' on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2. It is illegal to give a dog whiskey. In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb. Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire. Kites may not be flown within the city limits. It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe's neck. Spitting is forbidden It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits. One may not pee in his neighbor's mouth. Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays. Cars may not be driven through the town. Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees. A man with a moustache may not kiss a woman. It is illegal to go trick-or-treating on Halloween. Bowling is forbidden. It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire. It is unlawful for 'negroes' to be within county boundries from sundown to sunrise. It is illegal to expectorate from any second-story window. There is a $'1
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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