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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of practical joke websites and other funny jokes |
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Animal World
A blind man walks into a drug store with his seeing eye dog. He takes the dogs leash & starts swinging it around & aroundhis head. The druggist says 'May I help you?' The blind man replies 'No thank you, I'm just lookingaround. '
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Doctor Joke
A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging. Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn't all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game.
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Bumper Stickers - 5
I'm not a psychiatrist; I'm just an expert at being confused.
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Weird Women Joke
Age IDEAL DATE 17 He offers to pay 25 He pays 35 He cooks breakfast the next morning 48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids 66 He can chew breakfast
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Police Joke
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. 'Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeeemer!!!', he whined. 'You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!', retorted the officer. 'You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!' 'Oh no!', replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was. 'Where's my Rolex???!!!'
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Joke for Halloween
Keeps trying to sell you extra teeth. His restrooms are labeled 'Bleeders' and 'Non-Bleeders' Pumps gas into the waiting room in advance. Does an extensive search for cavities. . . dental and body. He. . . ummm. . licks his tools clean. Gets mad when you mention that 4 out of 5 dentists surveyed line. When you come to from being under the gas, he's quick to insist that you wore your pants backwards when you came into his office. Wears a necklace made of human teeth. Has a grindstone in the office for his tools. Insists that a Novacaine shot is something that he'll buy you at a bar if you just go out with him.
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Bizarre Joke
A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a veterinarian for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The guy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant. The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means HE has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed. The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass. 'No, ' she says, 'they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn. '
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Apple Joke
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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