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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of practical joke items and other funny jokes |
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Bird Joke
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls (bagels, get it?).
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Law Enforcement Joke
A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, 'Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France. ' The new man asked, 'What happened?' 'One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!'
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Burger Joke
What did they say about the burger who went skiing for the first time? How the meaty have fallen!
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Christmas Joke - 1
What do monkeys sing at Christmas ? Jungle Bells, Jungle bells. . !
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Fishing Joke
What fish do road-menders use ? Pneumatic krill !
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Kids Puns
The out-of-state couple are camping on the shores of a lake near a tiny hamlet. The young wife, stunningly built, decides to give the local town folk a thrill by sun bathing in the nude. 'That's OK with me, honey, ' says her husband. 'I'll go get some wood for the fire. ' About thirty minutes later, the husband returns to the campsite and finds his wife in tears. One of her breasts has been painted green, the other red and her ass is blue. 'What on earth happened to you dear?' he asks. 'Some of those rednecks from town came over and told me they don't allow any nakedness around these parts. Then they gave me this paint job!' 'Damn those trouble-makers! I'll fix them!' the husband shouts. He rides into town and finds the rednecks in a bar. 'Who is the SOB who painted my wife red, green and blue!' he shouts. A huge redneck, about 6'-'8
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Bumper Stickers - 6
So you're a feminist. . . Isn't that cute!
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Job and Office Joke
New Corporate Buzz Words for the 90's Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively. Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, and then leaves. Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands. Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles. Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running. Mouse Potato: The online, wired generation's answer to the couch potato. Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. Squirt the Bird: To transmit a signal to a satellite. Starter Marriage: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property, and no regrets. Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. Swiped Out: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use. Tourists: People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. 'We had three serious students in class; the rest were just tourists. ' Treeware: Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material. Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace. Going Postal: Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages. Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. 'Ask Larry, he's the Alpha Geek around here. Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard. Chips and Salsa: Chips = hardware, Salsa = software. 'Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem is in your chips or your salsa. ' Flight Risk: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon. GOOD job: A 'Get-Out-Of-Debt' job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again. Irritainment: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O. J. trials were a prime example. Percussive Maintenance: The fine art of attacking an electronic device to get it to work again. Uninstalled: Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a Vice President at a downsizing computer firm: 'You have reached the number of an uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance. ' See also Decruitment. Vulcan Nerve Pinch: The taxing hand positions required to reach all the appropriate keys for commands. For instance, the warm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control Key, the Command key, the Return key and the Power On key.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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