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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of polly joke campsite and other funny jokes |
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Funny Joke
He should study to be a bone specialist -- he has the head for it.
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Very Silly Joke
Hamlet's Cat's SoliloquyTo go outside, and there perchance to stay Or to remain within: that is the question: Whether 'tis better for a cat to suffer The cuffs and buffets of inclement weather That Nature rains on those who roam abroad, Or take a nap upon a scrap of carpet, And so by dozing melt the solid hours That clog the clock's bright gears with sullen time And stall the dinner bell. To sit, to stare Outdoors, and by a stare to seem to state A wish to venture forth without delay, Then when the portal's opened up, to stand As if transfixed by doubt. To prowl; to sleep; To choose not knowing when we may once more Our readmittance gain: aye, there's the hairball; For if a paw were shaped to turn a knob, Or work a lock or slip a window-catch, And going out and coming in were made As simple as the breaking of a bowl, What cat would bear the household's petty plagues, The cook's well-practiced kicks, the butler's broom, The infant's careless pokes, the tickled ears, The trampled tail, and all the daily shocks That fur is heir to, when, of his own free will, He might his exodus or entrance make With a mere mitten? Who would spaniels fear, Or strays trespassing from a neighbor's yard, But that the dread of our unheeded cries And scratches at a barricaded door No claw can open up, dispels our nerve And makes us rather bear our humans' faults Than run away to unguessed miseries? Thus caution doth make house cats of us all; And thus the bristling hair of resolution Is softened up with the pale brush of thought, And since our choices hinge on weighty things, We pause upon the threshold of decision.
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Practical Joke
Three guys from Carolina died and went to hell. Satan went to check on them and saw that they had their shirts off and didn't mind the heat, so he turned up the heat. He went to check on them again and he saw that they were in their boxers and they still didn't mind the heat. Satan went and turned the temperature down to minus twenty. Satan went to check on them and he saw that they were in their coats cheering. He went up to them and asked why they were cheering. One of them yelled out 'Hell froze over, the Hurricanes must have won the cup!'
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Dentist Joke
A patient asked the dentist, if it wasn't nasty to be all the day with the hands in someone's mouth. The dentist answered 'I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet. '
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Assorted Joke
A ventriloquist was driving in the country when he was attracted to alarge farm. He asked for and was given a tour. As he was shown through the barn, the ventriloquist thought he'd havesome fun. He proceeded to make one of the horses talk. The hired hand, wide-eyed with fear, rushed from the barn to thefarmer. 'Sam, ' he shouted, 'those animals are talking! If that sheepsays anything about me, it's a damned lie!'
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Free Adult Joke
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward the doctor comes out with the results. 'I'm afraid I have some very bad news, ' the doctor says. 'You're dying, and you don't have much time left. ''Oh, that's terrible!' says the man. 'How long have I got?''Ten, ' the doctor says sadly. 'Ten?' the man asks. 'Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?''Nine. . . ''Eight. . . ''Seven. . . '
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Animal World
How to Catch a White Elephant ============================= Submitted By Niels Kristian JensenGo to an place where there are white elephants. Bring with you amuffin (with raisins). Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it. The white elephant willbe happy, and eat the muffin (with raisins). White elephants likemuffins (with raisins). Repeat this procedure for five days in a row. After the fifth day, the white elephant will be used to its daily muffin(with rasins). The sixth day you climb the tree, bring with you a muffinwithout rasins. Drop the muffin as usual. When the white elephant findsout that the muffin lacks raisins, it will darken in anger. And then you catch it the same way as an ordinary grey elephant.
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Short Joke
What did God say after he created man?'I can do better than this' and he made woman. But the disruptions created in Adam's internals when God removed his rib were so great that it caused Adam's brain to sink down into his testicles. And so one of Eve's first assignments was to explain to Adam the difference between his black and navy blue socks.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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