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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of polly joke beach and other funny jokes |
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Joke for Halloween
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?''Sand, ' answered Juan. The guard says, 'We'll just see about that - get off the bike!'The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, 'What have you got?''Sand, ' says Juan. The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico. 'Hey, Buddy, ' says the guard, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about. . . . . I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'Juan sips his beer and says, 'Bicycles. '
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Face Joke
Two boys were watching TV when the fabulous face and figure of Pamela Anderson appeared on the screen. 'if I ever stop hating girls, ' said one to the other, 'I think I'll stop hating her first. '
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Marriage Joke
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, 'You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?'
'Why?'
'Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere. '
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School Joke
Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher? He couldn't control his pupils!
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Beauty Joke
I don't think these photographs you've taken do me justice. You don't want justice - you want mercy !
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Can't Feed 'Em! Don't Breed Em'!
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Politics Humor
Bill of No Rights by Lewis W. Napper We, the sensible of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone getalong, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep ournation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-freeliberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try onemore time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for theterminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional, and other liberal, commie, pinkobedwetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people wereconfused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of NoRights. You do not have the right to a new car, big-screen color TV or any otherform of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeinganything. You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based onfreedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leavethe room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc. , but the worldis full of idiots, and probably always will be. You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriverin your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturerto make you and all of your relatives independently wealthy. You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the mostcharitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but weare quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation ofprofessional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation ofanother generation of professional couch potatoes. You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but fromthe looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care. You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest ofus get together and kill you. You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprisedif the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you stillwon't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure. You do not have the right to demand that our children risk their lives inforeign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governmentsand won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spendso much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a militaryuniform and a funny hat. You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to takeadvantage of the opportunities in education and vocational training laidbefore you to make yourself useful. You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that youhave the right to pursue happiness -- which, by the way, is a lot easierif you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created bythose around you who were confused by the Bill of Rights. Copyright #169; Lewis W. Napper. All Rights Reserved. http://oscar. teclink. net/~napper napper@felix. TECLink. Net
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Law and Lawyer Joke
A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage. There's no sign of the offending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper. 'Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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