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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of play bingo for fun and other funny jokes |
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Sports Humor
A Blind Mans Sport A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: 'I am placed in the door and told when to jump' 'My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go' 'But how do you know when you are going to land?' he was asked. 'I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground' he answered. 'But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?' he was again asked. He quickly answered 'Oh, the dog's leash goes slack'.
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Religion Joke
The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So. . . he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, 'You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?' The Lord sighed, and said, 'No, I guess not. ' Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, 'Why did you let him do that?' The Lord smiled and replied, 'Who's he going to tell?'
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Love and Marriage Joke
This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and wacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan. Man: 'What was that for?' Wife: 'What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?' Man: 'Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on. ' The wife looked all satisfied and goes off to work around the house. Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting. Man: 'What the hell was that for this time?' Wife: 'Your horse called. '
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Music Joke
Q: Why does a viola burn longer than a violin? A: It is usually still in the case.
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Fishing Joke
George went fishing, but at the end of the day he had not caught one fish. On the way back to camp, he stopped at a fish store. 'I want to buy three trout, ' he said to the owner. 'But instead of putting them in a bag, throw them to me. ' 'Why should I do that?' the owner asked. 'So I can tell everyone that I caught three fish!'
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Humorous Joke
A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: 'We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods. 'The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, 'I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!'
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Dog Joke - 2
What dog is always tired in London? An English sleep dog.
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Monster Joke
Why did Frankenstein squeeze his girlfriend to death? He had a crush on her.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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