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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of platypus jokes and other funny jokes |
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At Work Joke
I guess some things will never change. I hired a temp while my secretary was on maternity leave. Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I asked what she expected to earn. She said, 'Well. . . the minimum I could work for is four hundred a week. 'I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure. She shook her head and replied, 'With pleasure, it'll be $600 a week. '
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Gender Joke
What is the thinnest book in the world?What men know about women!
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Free Adult Joke
This long line of people are queueing up to get served in a shop. Suddenly one bloke starts massaging the person in front's back. The other bloke immediately turns round and says to him, 'What the hell do you think you're doing?' The bloke behind tells him, 'Well, I'm a chiropractor and I can't help myself. I can't help practicing my art. ' 'Are you crazy?' says the bloke in front, 'I'm a lawyer, but do you see me f**king the bloke in front of me?'
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Children Joke
A father is asked by his friend, 'Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?' 'Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector, ' he replies To this his friend responds, 'Strange ambition to have for a career. ' 'Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!'
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Humor Joke
A woman goes into a bar real depressed and uses her last 10 dollars to buy a drink. All of a sudden she gets an idea that she knows will solve her problems. She takes her change and goes to the man at the end of the bar and says, ' Mister, I'm broke and my landlord said if I dont give him the rent money first thing in the morning, I'm out of a place to live. I'll bet you my last five dollars that i can come up with a rhyme that you can't come up with a reply to. 'The man wanting to help her says ok go ahead. So she tells him, 'six times six is thirty-six and three is thirty-nine. I can tell the length of yours but you can't tell the depth of mine. 'The man scratches his head and says, 'your right, I can't top that. ' and he pays her the five dollars. Then she goes to the next man and the next until she has beat every man in the bar. So she goes to the next bar and starts betting 100 at a time. She does this at every bar on the block until she has '3
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Joke for Halloween
At the edge of the forest there was a somewhat mediocre wizard. He is there to help the animals of the forest with some of their daily problems. One day a toad hops in. The toad says 'Oh wizard, please help me. I was born with a yellow penis. ''I've told you animals, I can't help you with any big problems, ' responds the wizard. 'You'll have to go see the Wizard of Oz. 'So the toad hops off on his merry little way. But in not too long an elephant enters the wizards pad. 'Oh wizard, ' the elephant begins, 'please help me. I was born without a trunk. 'Now the wizard is infuriated. 'Don't you stupid animals ever listen!!! Take your damn big problems to the wizard of Oz!'The elephant responds 'But, wizard how do I get to the Wizard of Oz?''Oh that's easy, ' says the wizard. 'Just follow the yellow dicked toad!'
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Science Joke
DOUBLE VODKA A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman 'Give me six double vodka. ' The barman says 'Wow! you must have had one really bad day. ' 'Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay. ' The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, 'I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!' On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said 'WOW! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?' 'Yeah, my wife. . . '
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Blind Joke
Why are bats blind? Well, your eyesight wouldn't be too good if you hung upside down all day would it?
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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