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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of pets fun house and other funny jokes |
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Idiot and fool Joke
I don't know what it is that makes you stupid but whatever it is, it works.
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Hunting Joke
The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. Our pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the pastor said, 'I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were were unable to make service because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer. ' One hunter groaned, 'Well, it worked. They're all safe. '
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School Joke
A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest:
As you shall make your bed so shall you. . . mess it up.
Better to be safe than. . . punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the. . . bug is close.
It's always darkest before. . . daylight savings time.
Never underestimate the power of. . . termites.
You can lead a horse to water but. . . how?
Don't bite the hand that. . . looks dirty.
No news is. . . impossible.
A miss is as good as a. . . Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new. . . math.
If you lie down with the dogs, you'll. . . stink in the morning.
Love all, trust. . . me.
The pen is mightier than the. . . pigs.
An idle mind is. . . the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke, there's. . . pollution.
Happy the bride who. . . gets all the presents!
A penny saved is. . . not much.
Two's company, three's. . . the Musketeers.
Don't put off tomorrow what. . . you put on to go to bed.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and. . . you have to blow your nose.
None are so blind as. . . Helen Keller.
Children should be seen and not. . . spanked or grounded.
If at first you don't succeed. . . get new batteries.
You get out of something what you. . . see pictured on the box.
When the blind leadeth the blind. . . get out of the way.
There is no fool like. . . Aunt Eddie.
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Real Life Joke
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Sunday, December '13
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Humor Joke
In the sleepy city of Sherrill, N. Y. , two unsuspecting adults have found themselves the objects of sleep deprivation research. James Harden is currently in his tenth month of his study. His subjects, Debbie and Dennis Harden, have tried to foil his research to no avail. 'Ferber' has failed and so has 'The Family Bed. 'Young James conducts his studies by awakening in the wee hours of the morning, standing up in his crib, and screaming at the top of his lungs. Sometimes, a backrub from Mom will put him back to sleep; but at other times, it takes the formula ritual. Sometimes James is actually hungry but most of the time he just wants to check how his research is going. Just how far has he gone? Last week, James woke up too early; his parents were still up watching David Letterman. Dennis looked at his lovely wife and said, 'I can't take this. I'm going to bed. 'Debbie responded, 'If you do that, I will kill you in your sleep. ' Dennis went to get the baby. Any non-Ferber advice or even sympathetic anecdotes are being requested by these strung-out parents. All other babies James age in this area actually sleep through the night and have done so since they were 2 days old. Or their parents are outright liars.
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Instrument Joke
Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?A: It's all in the grip. Q: What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax?A: You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors don't mind if you don't return the sax when you borrow it. Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower?A: Vibrato. Q: How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?A: Five. One to handle the bulb, and 4 to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it. Q: If you were out in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune tenor sax player, an out-of-tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus?A: The out-of-tune sax player! You were hallucinating the other two. Q: How do you make a chainsaw sound like a bari-sax?A: Add vibrato. Q: What's the definition of a gentleman?A: One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!Q: How many sax players does it take to change a light bulb?A: Sixty. One to change the bulb and fifty-nine to talk about how much better Michael Brecker would have done it.
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Bird Joke
Why did the turkey cross the road ? To prove he wasn't chicken
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Naughty Joke
Confucious say: 'Man who goes to sleep with sex on mind wakes up with solution in hand. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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