|
|
|
The
Best Humor Sites on the Internet |
|
Christmas Jokes
Funny Jokes Online
MOCKERY
Ghost Pictures
Ghost Stories
Hilarious Horoscopes
Bizarre Webcam
notMENSA
society for the stupid
Cheap posters
Raunchiest Riddles
Worst Jobs in the World
Love Poems
Inspirational Poems
Funny Poems
Famous Poems
Free Diet Plans
Top Paying
Keywords
Keyword Suggestions
Everything you want to know about everything!
Weird eBay
mesothelioma types
Top 100 Baby Names
flowers online
Poker Articles
Free View Webcams
Work from Home
World History
Baby Name Chooser
Text Links
Online Advertising
Flowers
Top searches
Weird Website
Children's Books
Scottish Jokes
Robert Burns Poems
Midge Jokes
Fathers Jokes
Funny Jokes
Love Quotes
Famous Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
Funny Quotes
Movie Quotes
Friendship Quotes
Get Found
anime girls
5QS |
|
|
No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
| |
|
|
Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
|
|
|
Archive of pear shaped comedy and other funny jokes |
|
Marriage Joke
And how's yer wife, Pat? 'Sure, she do be awful sick. ' 'Is ut dangerous she is?' 'No, she's too weak t' be dangerous anymore!'
= = = = = = = = = =
Politics Humor
They just found out Clinton's been stuffing turf in his underpants. They're for grass roots support.
= = = = = = = = = =
Very Silly Joke
A woman went in to see a therapist and said, 'I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out an outrageous yell. ' 'My dear, ' the doctor said, 'that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is. ' 'The problem is, ' she complained, 'he keeps waking me up!'
= = = = = = = = = =
Kids Puns
Q. My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out?A. Nope, they're the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean 'up', as in 'look up at the screen'. Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers. Q. What happens if I press both shift keys?A. Even bigger letters may show up on your screen. You should not use this feature, however, because these letters are also brighter, and may cause Screen Burn-In, which would be particularly embarrassing if you were typing something naughty at the time. You might consider obtaining the author's Shift Key Burn-In Protector program for only $139. 95. Or you might not, it's your computer, but don't say I didn't warn you. Q. my religion prohibits the use of shift keys. how can i type capital letters and punctuationA. Discuss alternatives to the shift key with your spiritual advisor. Perhaps your deity would not be angered by repeated use of the Caps Lock key, or maybe you can retain a consultant to depress the shift for you. You might also consider replacing punctuation marks that require the use of shift keys with lower case expressions; replace ? with 'huh' and ! with 'zowie'. Q. I PRESSED SHIFT AND IT'S STUCK DOWN NOWA. Do small children with a fondness for peanut butter use your keyboard frequently? If so, you may want to clean it off for more reliable operation. First, disconnect your keyboard by gripping each of its ends firmly and pulling as hard as you can. Next, immerse the keyboard in warm water and scrub thoroughly with your favorite lemon-scented detergent and lots of steel wool. Finally, you need to dry the keyboard. Either dry it to touch with a hand held blow dryer, or place it it the dryer for not less than 60 minutes. Be sure to clean the lint screen when you are finished. Q. Why are there are no 'shift' keys on my keyboard, but there are two keys labelled 'hif'?A. Again, you may want to consider cleaning your keyboard, and washing your hands more frequently for that matter. Q. Are there shift keys on my Macintosh?A. Yes, although instead of the notation 'shift', the key may be labelled with an excited Mac face, something like :O . Press this key to use shift, and be thankful you're using a friendly Mac instead of a mean old PC with all them confusin' words 'n stuff on it. Q. I'm sick of pushing the shift key every single time I want big letters. Is there any other way to do this?A. This is the Modern Age of Convenience, and you may be able to activate the shift key merely with the power of your voice! Check to see whether your computer is equipped with speech-recognition equipment by saying the word 'shift' very clearly and slowly into its speaker. Then watch the keyboard closely to see if the Shift key moves down. Note that you may have to repeat this action several times to 'train' the computer to recognize your voice before the feature works reliably. Q. There are two shift keys, which should I use?A. Avoid unnecessary wear on either shift key by alternating between the two. Keep track of your usage of each key so that you press them in equal amounts. Your keyboard may be equipped with a small notepad; you should use this to make little tally marks in two columns for each time you shift. Remember, it's better to go to a little trouble than wind up with a broken shift key. Q. Why are the shift keys bigger than the other keys?A. They aren't. This is simply an optical illusion. Just as the moon appears much larger when it is close to the horizon, your shift keys look larger because of their proximity to other keys. To verify this, go out in a large field at night with your keyboard, place it in an upright position, and view it from a distance of 200 yards. Sure enough, the keys all look the same size!Q. If I press the shift key at the wrong time, or too many times, will my computer explode?A. No. Well, generally no. Not unless you are using a NEC laptop. Or vt100 terminal emulation. But even then, hardly ever. Really, don't worry about it. Forget I mentioned it. Just type softly. Move along, next question. Q. No matter what I do, the shift key just doesn't seem to work. What's wrong?A. Have you ever considered that the problem may not be your keyboard, the problem may be YOU? Perhaps God Himself has suspended the operation of these keys to send you a Message that you have strayed from the path of righteousness. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your life. Before rushing blindly ahead with a lot of shifting, consult the spiritual advisor of your choice for help in dealing with any unresolved issues in your relationship with the Almighty.
= = = = = = = = = =
Pig Joke
Why did the piglets do badly in school? They were all slow loiners.
= = = = = = = = = =
Space Joke
What do you call a sick extraterrestrial? An ailin' alien.
= = = = = = = = = =
Funny Joke
Your family is so poor, when I went to your house I stepped on a cigarette and your Daddy shouted, Hey, who turned off the heater!
= = = = = = = = = =
Computing Joke
Don't you wish when life is badand things just don't compute, That all we really had to dowas stop and hit reboot?Things would all turn out ok, life could be so sweetIf we had those special keysCtrl, Alt, and DeleteYour boss is mad, your bills not paid, your wife, well she's just muteJust stop and hit those wonderful keysthat make it all rebootYou'd like to have another jobbut you fear living in the street?You solve it all and start a new, Ctrl, Alt, and Delete
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
|
| |
|
