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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of pashto jokes and other funny jokes |
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Joke for Halloween
There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist. Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income. He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, 'Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy - Either way, you get your dog back!'
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Bar Joke - 2
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says, 'I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!'The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, 'Man, I'm on the wrong bus!'
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Bizarre Joke
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?A: A visitor.
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Weirdest Joke
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?They're married.
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Dentist Joke
Dentist: 'You don't need to open your mouth any wider. When I pull your tooth I expect to stand outside. '
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Mixed Joke
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet. Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman. Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, 'made the dinner. ' Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them. Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church. Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks. Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms. Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game. Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase. Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store. Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See 'Magician. ' Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon. Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say 'focus, . . . breath. . . push. . . ' Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear. . . ! Park (park) v. /n. Before children, a verb meaning, 'to go somewhere and neck. ' After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide. Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also 'tranquilizers. ' Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it. Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card
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Spoof Joke
An Irishman walks out of a pub, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, 'Can I help you lad?''Yesh, Shombody shtole me car!', the Irishman replies. The cop asks, 'Well now, where was your car last time you saw it?''It was at the end of this key. 'About this time the cop looks down to see that the Irishman's member is being exhibited for all to see. He then asks, 'Are you aware that you are exposing yourself?'The Irishman looks down woefully and moans 'OOH GOD. . . they got me girl too!'
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Mental health Joke
Patient: Doctor, I get the feeling that people don't give a hoot about anything I say. Psychiatrist: So?
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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