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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of paratrooper jokes and other funny jokes |
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Cat Joke
Why is a crazy marmalade cat like a biscuit ? They are both ginger nuts !
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Humor Joke
Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by you again?
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Strange Humor
One day the big animals and the little animals decided to have a football game. As the first half went along, the big animals were scoring at will. Every time they got the ball they would run it in for a touchdown. Then came the second half. . . First play: The elephant runs the ball up the middle. WAP!! Tackled for a five yard loss. The little animals go back to the huddle cheering and congratulating each other. 'Who made that tackle?' asked the ant. 'I did, ' said the centipede. Second play: The rhinoceros runs the ball up the middle. WHOMP!! Tackled for another five yard loss. Back in the huddle the flea asked, 'Who made that great stop?' 'I did, ' said the centipede. Third play: The gorilla tries an end sweep, led by the hippo throwing the lead blocks. SMACK!! Centipede tackles him for a ten yard loss. Back in the huddle, the gnat asked the centipede, 'Where were you in the first half?'The centipede replied, 'Puttin' on my shoes!'
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Random Joke
A woman walks into a veterinarian's waiting room dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. The rabbit obviously does not want to be there. 'Sit, Fluffy!' she says. Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer's lap, getting water all over him. 'I said sit, now there's a good Fluffy, ' says the woman, slightly embarrassed. Fluffy, wet already, squats in the middle of the room and urinates. The woman, mortally embarrassed, shouts, - 'Darn it, Fluffy, will you be good?!'Fluffy then starts a fight with a Doberman and pursues it out of the office. As the woman leaves to go after it, she turns to the rest of the flabbergasted customers and says:'Please pardon me. . . I just washed my hare, and can't do a damn thing with it!'
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Bar Joke - 2
What do frogs eat with their hamburgers? French flies. What do polo players get from spending all afternoon in the saddle?Poloroids. What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?A lawn moo-er. What do you call a dog that is left-handed? A south paw. What do you call a frightened scuba diver? Chicken of the sea. What do you call a monster with no neck?The Lost Neck Monster. What do you call a transvestite cow? A Dairy Queen. What do you call Eskimo cows?Eskimoos. What do you get when you cross a duck with a computer? A quackintosh. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and legs.
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Old Age Joke
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, 'You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing. ' The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans.
After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.
'This recession's really putting a big dent in my income,' he told them. 'From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans. '
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.
'Look,' he said, 'I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?'
'A lousy quarter?' the drum leader exclaimed. 'If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!'
And the old man enjoyed peace.
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Random Joke
What's the difference between Windows 95 and a virus? A virus does something.
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Political Joke
Q: How does Al Gore spell potato? A: T-A-T-E-R.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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