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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of orkut jokes and other funny jokes |
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Village Idiot Joke
A Blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, 'What's the matter?' The Blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away. ' 'I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day. . we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest. ' The Blonde very calmly explains, 'No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here. ' The boss agrees and allows the Blonde to work as usual. 'If you need anything, just let me know, ' he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the Blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the Blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, 'Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?' 'No, ' replies the Blonde, 'I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!'
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Relationships Joke
'First, ' said the playboy, 'I'm going to buy you a few drinks and get you a bit loose. ''Oh no you're not, ' said the girl. 'Then I'll take you to dinner and ply you with a few more drinks. ''Oh no you're not. ''Then I'll take you to my place and keep serving you drinks. ''Oh no you're not. ''Then I'm going to make violent, passionate love to you. ''Oh no you're not. ''And I'm not going to wear a condom either!' said the guy. 'Oh yes you are!' said the girl.
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Simple Joke
Beer and the quotes it has helped create over the years. . . I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in themorning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. --Frank SinatraThe problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. --William Butler YeatsAn intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. --Ernest HemingwayAlways do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. --Ernest HemingwayYou're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. --Dean MartinDrunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it. --AnonymousNo animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink. --G. K. ChestertonTime is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. --Catherine ZandonellaAbstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. --Ambrose BierceReality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. --AnonymousDrinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls. -- Ross LevyA woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency tothank her. What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?--W. C. FieldsBeauty lies in the hands of the beer holder. --AnonymousIf God had intended us to drinkbeer, He would have given us stomachs. --David DayeWork is the curse of the drinking classes. --Oscar WildeWhen I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --Henny YoungmanLife is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. --Michelle MastrolacasaI'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. --Tom Waits24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?--Stephen WrightWhen we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven. . . --Brian O'RourkeYou can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - ithelps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. --Frank ZappaAlways remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcoholhas taken out of me. --Winston ChurchillHe was a wise man who invented beer. --PlatoBeer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin FranklinIf you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. --Deep Thought, Jack HandyWithout question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. --Dave BarryThe problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. --Humphrey BogartWhy is Australian beer served cold?So you can tell it from urine. --David MoultonGive me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. --Kaiser WilhelmI would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer. --Homer SimpsonNot all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen andoxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vitalingredient in beer. I drink to make other people interesting. --George Jean NathanAll right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. --Homer Simpson
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Bath Joke
Hotel guest: Can you give me a room and a bath, please? Porter: I can give you a room, but you'll have to wash yourself.
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Music Joke
Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies first, he will contact the other and tell him what life in Heaven is like. Poor Max has a heart attack and dies. He manages to make contact with Abe the next day. Abe says, 'I can't believe this worked! So what is it like in Heaven?' Max replies, 'Well, it's great, but I've got good news, and I've got bad news. The good news is that there's a fantastic orchestra up here, and in fact, we're playing 'Sheherezade, ' your favorite piece, tomorrow night!' Abe says, 'So what's the bad news?' Max replies, 'Well, you're booked to play the solo!'
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Old lady.
Old lady, who?
I didn't know you could yodel!
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Cow Joke
If you make a cow angry, how will she get even? She'll cream you!
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Idiot and fool Joke
Did you hear about the Oklahoma idiot who married an American Indian? They had a baby and wanted to name it to reflect both races. So they called it Running Dummy.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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