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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of opus comedy manchester and other funny jokes |
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Travel Humor
This is a telephonic exchange between a hotel guest androomservice at a hotel in Asia. It was recorded andpublished in the Far East Economic Review: Room Service: 'Morny. Ruin sorbees. ' Guest : 'Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service. ' RS : 'Rye. Ruin sorbees. . morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??' Guest: 'Uh. . yes. . I'd like some bacon and eggs. ' RS: 'Ow July den?' G: 'What??' RS: 'Ow July den - fry, boy, pooch?' G: 'Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled, please. ' RS: 'Ow July dee bayhcem - crease?' G: 'Crisp will be fine' RS: 'Hokay. An San tos?' G: 'What?' RS: 'San tos. July San tos?' G: 'I don't think so' RS: 'No? Judo one toes??' G: 'I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what'judo one toes' means. ' RS: 'Toes! toes!. . Why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlishmopping we bother?' G: 'English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast. 'Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine. ' RS: 'We bother?' G: 'No. . just put the bother on the side. ' RS: 'Wad?' G: 'I mean butter - just put it on the side. ' RS: 'Copy?' G: 'Sorry?' RS: 'Copy. . . tea. . . mill?' G: 'Yes. Coffee please, and that's all. ' RS: 'One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honeysigh, and copy. . . . rye??'G: 'Whatever you say. ' RS: 'Tendjewberrymud' G : 'You're welcome' Have a good day
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Farming Joke
Politicians accidentA bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer, 'Were they all dead?'The old farmer replied, 'Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie. '
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Aviation Joke
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number '293
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Witch Joke
What does a witch enjoy cooking most? Gnomelettes.
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Dog Joke - 2
What kind of dog does a vampire prefer ?
Any kind of bloodhound !
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Bar Joke , beer, booze and fun!
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $'10
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Christmas Joke - 2
What does Father Christmas call that reindeer with no eyes? No-eyed-deer!
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Dumb Men Joke
Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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