|
|
|
The
Best Humor Sites on the Internet |
|
Christmas Jokes
Funny Jokes Online
MOCKERY
Ghost Pictures
Ghost Stories
Hilarious Horoscopes
Bizarre Webcam
notMENSA
society for the stupid
Cheap posters
Raunchiest Riddles
Worst Jobs in the World
Love Poems
Inspirational Poems
Funny Poems
Famous Poems
Free Diet Plans
Top Paying
Keywords
Keyword Suggestions
Everything you want to know about everything!
Weird eBay
mesothelioma types
Top 100 Baby Names
flowers online
Poker Articles
Free View Webcams
Work from Home
World History
Baby Name Chooser
Text Links
Online Advertising
Flowers
Top searches
Weird Website
Children's Books
Scottish Jokes
Robert Burns Poems
Midge Jokes
Fathers Jokes
Funny Jokes
Love Quotes
Famous Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
Funny Quotes
Movie Quotes
Friendship Quotes
Get Found
anime girls
5QS |
|
|
No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
| |
|
|
Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
|
|
|
Archive of one line jokes for kids and other funny jokes |
|
At Work Joke
A lumberjack new to the job had trouble meeting his quota. He worked ashard as he could, but still he could only chop down two or three treesin a day. His supervisor noticed this, and asked what was wrong. Maybehis chainsaw was broken. The supervisor turned it on, but it was workingfine. The lumberjack looked incredibly startled and asked, 'What's that noise?'
= = = = = = = = = =
Bar Joke - 2
Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the White House, Al Gore was eyeing Hillary, peering into her blouse. The Secret Service were guarding the premises with care, for a whole host of Democrats were vacationing there. As Chelsea was nestled all snug in her bed, dirty thoughts swam around Mr. Kennedy's head. And Bill in his sportcoat; a heavy gray tweed, had just fried his brain with some Mexican weed. When out in the garden came a plethora of noise, all drunken and rowdy: 'twas Newt and the boys!Bill jumped to the window, and tore open the sash, 'It's a raid boys!' he cried, 'Quick, go hide my stash!'The pot in his blood and the moon on the snow, gave a psychedelic haze to the objects below. When what to Bill's frantic eyes should appear, but a slew of Republicans and a keg of ice beer. With a big House leader, all lively and fat:He knew it was Newt, the proponent of GATT!As viscous as vipers, the Republicans came, and Bill recognized them and called them by name. 'Hey Helms, Hey Thurmond! Hey Packwood and Hatch!Hey Dole and Pataki, it's time for a bash!'A collective cheer rose out from the crowd, 'Let's listen to Nugent, and turn it up loud!'Together Dems and Republicans danced and sang out in cheer'Screw health care and Haiti, it's time to drink beer!'When from the chimney, came a big black cloud of soot, as Limbaugh danced from the fireplace in a red Santa suit. He moved through the crowd, then held up his hand, and when all was silent, he did a keg stand. And the crowd raised their cups, as Newt bowed down in prayer, and champagne flowed freely, just like welfare. As Kennedy and Reno romped in the Green Room, the rest of the crooks outlined their plan of doom. 'We'll pray in the schools, shove it down their throats!''More welfare, more taxes, we'll still get the votes!'And they drank, hugged and danced, they crossed party lines. They cheered, 'It doesn't matter, we're all bastard swines!'So they threw out allegiance and partisan crap, and they took turns sitting on the President's lap. And Gephardt and Dole passed out on the lawn, and awoke in the morning without their pants on. And Packwood gave Tipper a pat on the rear. While Judge Thomas and Miss Hill went out for more beer. Then the party-ers discovered a sight so touching and cute, President Clinton fast asleep, snuggled up next to Newt. Santa Limbaugh smiled and threw up on his boots, 'A merry Clinton to all, and to all a good Newt!'
= = = = = = = = = =
Just for Laughs Joke
Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, 'Look at that dog with one eye!' The other blonde covers one of her eyes and asks, 'Where?'
= = = = = = = = = =
Bar Joke - 1
* Viagra, The quicker dicker upper * Viagra, One-a-day, like iron * Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight * Viagra, Home of the whopper * Viagra, It plumps when you take 'em * Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman * Viagra, Tastes great, more filling * Viagra, Ten inches long . . . and growing. * Viagra, We work harder, so you don't have to. and the number one slogan being considered by Viagra: * This is your penis. This is your penis on drugs. Any questions?
= = = = = = = = = =
Joke for Halloween
There is no such thing as child-proofing your houseIf you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can igniteA 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurantIf you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strongenough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and asuperman capeIt is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a20 by 20 foot roomBaseballs make marks on ceilings. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up afew times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hitby a ceiling fan. When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'Uh-oh;' it's alreadytoo late. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36year old man says they can only do it in the moviesA magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes itdoes not leak - it explodes. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year oldDuplos will not. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence. Super glue is forever. McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know. Ditto Tarzan. No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can'twalk on water. Pool filters do not like Jello. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials showthey do. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. You probably do not want to know what that odor is. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens. Your fire department in has at least a 5 minute response time. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will however make cats dizzy. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life(unfortunately, mostly in retrospect)2:00 AM is not a good time to hear, 'Daddy, diapers don't flush!'No time is a good time to hear, 'Daddy, your tires are 'hisssssing. ''You never want to hear, 'Watch me fly!' coming from the roof>Nor do you want to hear, 'Your new cell phone doesn't work underwater. 'Driveway seal coating and children DO NOT MIX!Never light fireworks inside. Under the bed is not a good place to save snowballs for summer. Daddy's shoe is not a good home for a pet tarantula. Hiding uneaten vegetables in daddy's shoes is not good. Bugs are not a dietary supplement. Walnuts make the blender act funny. Scissors and hair are often a dangerous combination. Collecting things is good. Collecting things that come out of your nose is not. Eating string is a bad hobby. Discovering string the next day is a disgusting hobby. Finger painting is good. Finger painting walls is dangerous. If you hear the words, 'Can ya eat a lizard's tail?'It's too late!If you hear the words, 'Guess what's in my hands. 'You don't want to know. If you hear the words, 'Guess what's in my mouth. 'You REALLY don't want to know!'Fan' and 'flour' should never be heard in the same sentence. The toilet does not make a permanent fish aquarium. Most toilets can not consume an entire roll of toilet paperwithout choking. Any sentence which contains the word 'Oooops' is bad. Any sentence beginning with, 'How much do you love me?'means 'prepare for bad news'Throwing daddy's wallet in the trash compactor can change his mood. Opening all 24 of daddy's cans of beer is a bad idea. Hiding parts of daddy's computer can make your butt hurt. Lipstick on the TV screen changes mommy's mood. Fish can not use a remote control, even if placed in their tank. 'Why do fish float?' means trouble. Any sentence beginning with, 'When [your pet's name] dies. . . 'is never a good sign. Setting the hamsters free changes the cat's mood. Cats do not like to be wrapped in duct tape. Cats get even.
= = = = = = = = = =
Elephant Joke
Have you heard about the elephant that went on a crash diet ? He wrecked three cars, a bus and two fire engines !
= = = = = = = = = =
Easter Joke
What's the difference between the Easter Bunny and a silly monster ? One's a hare-head and the other's an air-head!
= = = = = = = = = =
Funny Famous Joke
A Geography teacher stands in front of a map of the world. Geography Teacher: Tony, can you tell me where in the world America is placed on this map? Tony shows him America. Geography Teacher: Now, Lisa, can you tell me the name of the guy who discovered America? Lisa: Tony did!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
|
| |
|
