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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of old comedy movies and other funny jokes |
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Pig Joke
Where did the piglets study their ABC's? At a school for higher loining.
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Real Life Joke
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Chicago TribuneWilliam P. Holcomb, whose job is to supervise the tracking down of Houston, Texas parking ticket violators. It was revealed that he had 375 unpaid tickets.
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Kids Puns
One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She asks 'Santa, will you stay with me?'Santa says, 'Ho Ho Ho I gotta go, gotta go!I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!'She takes off her nightgown, and wearing only a bra and panties, she asks 'Santa, now will you stay with me?'Santa says, 'Ho Ho Ho I gotta go, gotta go!I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!'She takes off everything and asks 'Santa, now will you stay with me?'Santa replies 'Hey Hey Hey I gotta stay, gotta stay!I can't get up the chimney with my dick this way!'
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Joke for Halloween
There was a middle-aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful blonde teenage daughters. The parents decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife became pregnant, and sure enough, nine months later she delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be the father of that child. 'Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered. 'Then he gave her a stern look and asked, 'Have you been fooling around on me?!' The wife just smiled sweetly and said, 'Not this time. '
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Funny College Joke
You know you're in a small town. . . . . - when you don't use turn signals because everybody knows where you're going. - if you're born on June 13 and your family receives gifts from the local merchants because you're the first baby of the year. - if you speak to each dog you pass, by name . . . . . and he wags his tail at you- if you dial the wrong number, and talk for 15 minutes anyway. - when the biggest business in town sells farm machinery. - if you write a check on the wrong bank and it covers you anyway. - if you missed church on Sunday and the preacher sends you a get-well card!
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Ethnic Joke - 2
You know what that little red dot means in the middle of an Indian woman's forehead? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 'Coffee's ready. '
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Marriage Joke
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most. 'When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!' They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished. He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practic ed black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life? The wife put down her drink and said. . . 'let the old bastard dig. I had him buried upside down. '
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Business Joke
Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one. '
'Please leave an extra pint of paralyzed milk. '
'Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it'
'Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk. '
'Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks. '
'Sorry about yesterday's note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round. '
'When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you 'to give me a hand to turn the mattress. '
My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle. '
'Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbor told me. '
'Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it. '
'From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk. '
My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table, because we want to play bingo tonight. '
'Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday or is it today?'
'When you come with the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk. '
'No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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