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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of office cartoon jokes and other funny jokes |
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Pig Joke
Where do retired pigs go for warm weather? The tropigs!
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Business Joke
A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place.
They put up a big bold sign which read:
'WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!'
Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign:
'WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS'
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Amos ! Amos who ? Amos-quito!kn
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Bumper Stickers - 7
This is not an abandoned car.
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Business Joke
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, 'Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!'. 'Really?' he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says 'Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?' The clerk replies 'Canned or frozen?'
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Funny College Joke
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. * A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. * Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. * For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. * He who hesitates is probably right. * Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. * No one is listening until you make a mistake. * Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. * The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it. * The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. * The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach. * To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. * To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles. * Two wrongs are only the beginning. * You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. * The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. * Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. * The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. * A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. * If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. * Change is inevitable. . . . except from vending machines. * Don't sweat petty things. . . . or pet sweaty things. * A fool and his money are soon partying. * Money can't buy love. But it CAN rent a very close imitation. * Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. * Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it! * If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. * How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands. . . . * Attempt to get a new car for your spouse. . . . it'll be a great trade! * Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route. * I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. * Everybody repeat after me. . . . 'We are all individuals. ' * Death to all fanatics! * Guests who kill talk show hosts. . . . On the last Geraldo. * Chastity is curable, if detected early. * Don't be sexist; broads hate that! * Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. * Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned. * Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques. * Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. * Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked in jet engines. * Borrow money from pessimists. . . . they don't expect it back. * Beware of geeks bearing gifs. * Half the people you know are below average. * 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. *42. 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. * A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. * If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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Funny Kids Joke
What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day?Turns over a new leaf!What is the definition of a caterpillar?A worm in a fur coat!What has stripes and pulls a tractor?A caterpillar tractor!What does a cat go to sleep on?A caterpillow!What's green and dangerous?A caterpillar with a machine gun!What pillar doesn't need holding up?A caterpillar!
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Naughty Joke
A guy worked in an adult book store. One afternoon his friend walked in. The guy said, 'Dude, thank goodness you showed up!' 'I'm starving, and I need you to watch the counter for me for a few minutes, while I run across the street to get some lunch. 'The friend looked around the store, then looked back at his friend oddly. The guy said, 'Dude, don't ask any questions, just sell it to em. ' The friend said, 'Ok'. So the guy left. A customer came in, and went up to the counter. She said, 'I want a vibrator. What do you have?' The friend said, 'We got red ones, white ones, black ones, big ones, little ones and medium sized ones. ' The lady said, 'I'll take a little red one to carry in my bag. ' He sold it to her. Another woman walked in. She approached the counter and said, 'I would like a vibrator, what do you have?' The friend replied, 'Red, black or white, large, medium or small. The woman asked, 'Well, what about the red, white and black checkered one up there?' The friend said, 'Well, I'll sell it to ya if you want, ' so she bought it. A few minutes later the guy came back from lunch and said, 'Thanks Dude, you're a life saver. So did you sell anything?' The friend said, 'Yeah, I sold a little red vibrator and a thermos. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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