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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of oceans of fun hucknall and other funny jokes |
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Joke of the Day
It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath, and young nun, Sister Magdalene had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray. The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone. 'Oh, sister, ' said the young nun dreamily. 'I've been saved. 'Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?' asked the old nun 'Well, when Fr. John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven. ''Did he now?' said the old nun evenly. Sister Magdalene continued, 'And Fr. John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock. ''Is that a fact?' said the old nun even more evenly. 'At first it hurt terribly, but Fr. John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved. ''That wicked old Devil!' said the old nun. 'He told me it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years!'
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Funny Famous Joke
The world was stunned by the news, this morning, of the deathof the Energizer Bunny. He was six years old. Authorities believe that the death occurred at approximately8:42PM last evening. Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going andgoing and going, 'Pinkie' as he was known to his friends andrelatives, was alone at the time of his death. An autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief medicalExaminer, Dura Cell, concluded that the cause of death wasacute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation. Apparently, someone had put Mr. Bunny's batteries in backwards, and he kept coming, and coming and coming. . . . .
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Dance Joke
What do you get if you cross an insect and a dance ? A cricket ball !
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Men Joke
As a man ages, it is natural that his hair starts thinning. It is a well-known fact that when a man is bald at the frontof his head, it?s because he?s a great thinker. Also, when a man is bald at the back of his head, it?sbecause he?s sexy. Unfortunately, when a man is bald both front and back, heonly thinks he?s sexy. . . Sent by Buddy
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Pensioner Joke
Two 80 year old men are driving down the road when they hear the Ex-Lax commercial end with the statement: 'It makes you feel young again. ' John looks at Sylvester and says, 'We need to pull over and get a bottle of that stuff!' Sylvester agrees and the two old men pull over and get a bottle of Ex-Lax. They both take two tablespoons each and continue to drive. About one mile later Sylvester asks, 'Well John, do you feel young yet?' 'No, ' replies John. So they pull over and take four more tablespoons a piece and continue to drive down the road. A couple of miles later, Sylvester asks, 'John, do you feel younger?' 'No, ' replies John, 'but I sure did a childish thing!'
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Ethnic Humor
O'Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg. 'Please, God, ' he implored, 'let it be blood!'
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Joke for Kids
One day, Clinton called the White House interior decorator into the Oval Office. He was very furious and said, 'Chelsea is very upset because she thinks she has the ugliest room in the entire White House; I want something done about it immediately!'Yes Sir, Mr. President, ' the interior decorator replies. 'I'll take those mirrors out right away!'
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Children Joke
A little girl was playing in the garden when she spied two spiders mating. 'Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?' she asked. 'They're mating, ' her father replied. 'What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?' she asked. 'That's a daddy long legs, ' her father answered. 'So, the other one is a mommy long legs?' the little girl asked. 'No, ' her father replied. 'Both of them are daddy long legs. ' The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. 'Well, we're not having any of THAT in our garden. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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