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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of novelty jokes and other funny jokes |
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Farming Joke
A lone tourist who is passing through the suburbs on the way to town by car, unfortunately experiences mechanical problems with the automobile. The car stalls and the tourist parks the car by the side of the road and waits for help. Not much later, a farmer happens to pass by with a truck full of farm animals. The farmer offers the tourist a lift to town and proceeds to explain that he is bringing his farm animals to the town market, where they will be auctioned off to the highest bidders. Well, it so happens that on the way to the town, the farmer being so engrossed in his story, unintentionally wanders into the other side of road where another vehicle is approaching in the other direction. The farmer realizes his absent mindness and attempts to avoid the possible collision with the other vehicle. He just misses the other car, but unfortunately crashes the truck into the side of the road. The tourist winds up thrown into a ditch and suffers broken ribs and a broken arm and leg and is obviously in extreme pain. The farm animals are all messed up very badly and the farmer, although remaining inside the vehicle, still suffers cuts and scrapes. The farmer gets out of the truck and looks at his farm animals. The chickens all have broken limbs and can barely move. 'These chickens are all useless! Nobody will want to buy these chickens anymore!' bellows the farmer. With that, he grabs and loads his shotgun and blows away the chickens. Next, he sees the pigs and they are all lame and bleeding profusely. 'These pigs are all worthless now! I'll get nothing for them!' yells the farmer. With great rage, the farmer reloads his shotgun and blows away the pigs. The farmer looks at the sheep and they all have broken limbs and their wool is all bloodied. 'Worthless sheep!' screams the farmer and with that, he reloads his shotgun and blows away the sheep. Meanwhile, the injured tourist witnesses all of this carnage in great horror. The farmer then moves over to the side of the ditch and looks at the tourist. 'Are you okay down there?' asked the farmer. 'NEVER FELT BETTER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!' the tourist yelled back.
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Travel and tourist Joke
An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?' The waiter replied, ' Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!' The American, though momentarily daunted, said, 'What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!' The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!' The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!' The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si senor. Sometimes the bull wins. '
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Cop Joke
A man was speeding down a highway, feeling secure in a group of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, 'Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?'
'Ever go fishing?' the policeman suddenly asked the man.
'Yes. . ' the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, 'Did you ever catch them all?'
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Website Joke
Who's the chief of the internet? E-ronimo!
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Computer Joke
My computer isn't that nervous. It's just a bit ANSI.
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Love and Marriage Joke
The thrill is gone from my marriage, Brian told his best friend Mike. 'Why not add some intrigue to your life, and have an affair?' his friend suggested. 'But what if my wife finds out?' 'Heck, we are almost on the begining of the 21st centrury, Brian. Go ahead and tell her about it!' So Brian went home and said, 'Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together. ' 'Forget it, ' said his wife. 'I've tried that many times - it never worked. '
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Fishing Joke
It was well known that a certain lake was very poor for fishing up north, but a game warden happened to notice that one guy kept coming home with his limit of fish on several occations. He asked the guy: 'How is it that you are catching fish out of that lake when no one else can?' The guy replied: 'Well I am going back up there tommorow, why don't you come along?' And, so the warden did. They were in the boat when the fisherman reached over and lit a stick of dynamite and then tossed it overboard. BOOM!!! There were fish floating to the surface all over! The game warden freaked out, and said: 'You can't do that! That's illeagal!' The fisherman reached over and lit another stick and said: 'Are you going to fish, or talk?'
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Business Joke
Why did the electrician close early on Mondays? Because business was very light.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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