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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of no sign up chat rooms and other funny jokes |
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Pensioner Joke
Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, 'Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich. ' The second lady chimed in with, 'Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down. ' The third one responded, ' Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem. Knock on wood, ' as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, 'That must be the door, I'll get it!'
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Fun Funny Joke
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.
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Fun Joke
3 guys go into a bar. The booze begins to flow pretty heavily in the course of the evening and the guys get split up. Next morning they're all at work discussing what went on after they lost one other. . . The first guy says, 'Man I was so trashed last night I went home and blew chunks!'The second goes, 'Shit that's nothing I was so tanked that I drove my damn car into a tree. Totaled it. I have no idea what the cops are going to do!'The third guy says, 'That's nothing I was so drunk that I went home and starting cussing my girlfriend out and in the process knocked over a candle and it caught the whole damn apartment on fire - the insurance won't cover it, plus my girlfriend left me. 'The first guy leans back in and whispers, 'I don't think you guys understand, Chunks is my dog. '
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Simple Joke
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks him, 'Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?'Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So what happened that's so horrible?Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can't explain. Man: Ok, but that's not so bad. Man: So what happened then? Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can't explain. Man: So, what did you do then? Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. Some things you just can't explain. Man: So, what did you do? Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in. . . Some things you just can't explain.
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College Humor
Over the weekend, Steve bought a new car. He was so excited about it that he had to take a picture of it to bring to work with him to show everyone. The picture was a Polaroid snapshot of his wife sitting in one of the front seats. Steve crowed as he showed the picture to co-worker Jim, 'It's got power steering, anti-lock brakes, cruise control and a driver's side air bag. 'Jim squinted at the picture. Having never seen Steve's wife before, he asked, 'Who's that?''Oh, ' said Steve with a grin, 'another feature, my passenger-side wind bag!'
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Bar Joke - 2
Vito and VladimirThere were two guys who wanted to pick up women on a beach. One was Italian (Vito) and the other was Russian (Vladimir). Vito had no problem picking up gorgeous women; he was the most popular guy on the beach. But Vladimir had no success. Vladimir: 'Vito! How do you do it? How do you attract so many beautiful women?' Vito: 'Well, I'll tell ya! But it's a secret . . just between you and me. I don't want my system to become too public. 'Vladimir : 'OK. It's a deal. 'Vito: 'You see those potatoes over there? Well, every time I come to the beach I take one and put it in my Speedo. When the women see it, they come running from miles around. 'Vladimir : 'That's it? I can do that. 'The next day, Vladimir went over to the produce stand and picked out the biggest, most perfectly shaped potato he could find. He then went into the changing room and slipped it into his Speedo. As he walked out onto the beach, he immediately noticed that women . . . and men began to notice him. 'It's working, he thought. ' But soon he began to realize that they were not looking interested but rather upset, almost disgusted by the sight of him. He rushed over to Vito and asked 'Vito, what's the problem? Why isn't it working?'Vito: 'Because you're supposed to put the potato in the FRONT!!'
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Politics Humor
Boss, to four of his employees: 'I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go. 'Black Employee: 'I'm a protected minority. 'Female Employee: 'And I'm a woman. 'Oldest Employee: 'Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with anage discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin. '. . . To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds:'I think I might be gay. . . '
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Food Joke
What vegetable needs a plumber? A leek.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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