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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of no nonsense car insurance and other funny jokes |
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Drunks Joke
A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt. A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something terrible. Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went tobed. The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom. 'Well, you really tied one on last night, ' she said. 'Where'd you go?''I worked late, ' he said, 'and I stopped off for a couple of beers. ''A couple of beers? That's a laugh, ' she replied. 'You got plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?''What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?''Well, ' she replied, 'my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror. '
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Barbie doll Joke
There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Medusa Barbie . . . Barbie with snakes for hair
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Funny Joke Online
Joe, the neighborhood chronic borrower approached his neighbor, 'Ray, may I borrow your axe?' 'Not today, ' Ray replied, 'I have to make soup. ''What kind of excuse it that?!' demanded Joe. 'Well, ' confessed Ray, 'I admit its a lousy excuse. But, if I don't want to loan you my axe, one excuse is as good as another. '
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Irish Joke
It seems three Irishmen, Sean, Michael and Tim, passed over at the same time. Upon encountering the Pearly Gates, they were met by ST. Patrick himself, and he addressed the boys thusly: 'Lads, I'm here to welcome you to heaven where you will spend eternity. Just remember one thing, when you go through these gates, don't step on any of the ducks or you'll be punished for eternity. Sean went in first and was amazed to see that the entire ladscape was encompassed by ducks, and try as he might, sure enough he stepped on one. He was immediately joined by one of the homliest colleens he's ever laid eyes on, and she said, 'Well love, you stepped on a duck and now we're together for all time. 'And of course the exact same thing happened to Michael only his companion was even the worse for wear. By this time Tim was absolutely terrified. And he gingerly managed to make it most of the way across the court without stepping on a single duck. Suddenly, his arm was taken by a young lass. Tim looked over and beheld the most beautiful, graceful, blue-eyed woman he's ever seen in all his life. He gasped, 'I don't understand it!' The young beauty answered, 'Well I'm sure I don't either, I was walking along minding my own business, when all of a sudden I stepped on a duck. '
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Military Joke
An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The message for the B-52 crew was, 'Anything you can do, I can do better. 'Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level, however. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, 'So? What did you do?' 'We just shut down two engines. '
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Top 100 Joke
Q. ) What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office? A. ) They're hiring. Q. ) What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? A. ) 'Dam. 'Q. ) How do crazy people go through the forest? A. ) They take the psycho path. Q. ) What do Eskimos get from sitting on the toilet too long? A. ) Polaroids. Q. ) What do the letters D. N. A. stand for? A. ) National Dyslexia Association. Q. ) What do you call cheese that isn't yours? A. ) Nacho Cheese. Q. ) What do you call Santa's helpers? A. ) Subordinate Clauses. Q. ) What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? A. ) Quattro sinko. Q. ) What do you get from a pampered cow? A. ) Spoiled milk. Q. ) What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A. ) Frostbite. Q. ) What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A. ) A nervous wreck. Q. ) What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? A. ) Anyone can roast beef. Q. ) Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? A. ) They all have phones. Q. ) What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? A. ) Sanka. Q. ) Why do gorillas have big nostrils? A. ) Because they have big fingers. Q. ) What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie? A. ) A dog that runs for help . . . after it bites your leg off. Q. ) What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A. ) A stick.
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Ethnic Joke - 2
What did the Jewish pedophile ask the little girl? - 'Hey, little girl, you want to buy some candy?'
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Dentist Joke
What did the dentist see at the North Pole?. . . A molar bear
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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