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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of nick junior fun and games and other funny jokes |
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Cat Joke
Q: What do you call a cat when he first wakes up with the alarm clock? - A: Catsup!
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Friendship Joke
On the eve of the couple's tenth wedding anniversary, the still slim wife was bragging about her figure. 'You know honey, ' she said, 'I can still get into the skirts I had before we were married. ' 'Yeah ?' the husband replied as he turned his attention back to the ball game on TV. 'I wish to hell I could. '
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Dumb Men Joke
There are a lot of words you can use to describe men: strong, caring, loving. They'd be wrong, but you could still use them.
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Miscellaneous Joke
One afternoon, a lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. 'Why are you eating grass?', he asked one man. 'We don't have any money for food. ', The poor man replied. 'Oh, come along with me then. ' 'But sir, I have a wife with two children!' 'Bring them along! And you, come with us too!', he said to the other man. 'But sir, I have a wife with six children!' the second man answered. 'Bring them as well!' They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says 'Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you. ' The lawyer replied 'No, you don't understand, the grass at my home is about three feet tall!'
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Bizarre Joke
If you get caught sleeping on the job, here's some quick excuses!It's okay. . . I'm still billing the client. 'They told me at the blood bank this might happen. 'This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time-management course you sent me to. I was working smarter, not harder. 'Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper''I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!'This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people !I was testing the keyboard for drool resistanceI'm in the management training programActually doing a 'Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan' (SLEEP) you learned at the last mandatory seminar your boss made you attend. This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamt about work!'I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?'Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem. The coffee machine is broke. . . . Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot. Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!It worked well for Reagan, didn't it?I was cross-training for telecommuting. Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!Wasn't sleeping. Was trying to pick up contact lens without hands. The mailman flipped out and took out a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot. I thought you(boss) were gone for the day.
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Dumb Joke
There were two teenagers and they just got thru playing basketball. So they went to the showerhouse. They were in the showerhouse and the first teenager noticed a cork up the other teenagers butt. So when they got out of the showerhouse, the first teenager ask why he had a cork up his butt?The other teenager said, 'Well, I was at the beach and a fairy said she could grant me one wish', and in amazement I said - 'No CRAP!'
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Totally Weird Joke
What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.
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Gender Joke
What's the difference between a man and E. T. ?E. T. phoned home!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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