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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of new years eve comedy and other funny jokes |
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Stupid Blonde Joke
How do you confuse a blonde?Put her in a round room and tell her to pee in the corner. How do you confuse her even more?Ask her where she went. Sent by Chris
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Medical Joke
Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
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Bumper Stickers - 2
0-60 in 12 minutes!
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Dirty Joke
A blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to take a swing at a ball to see how she'd do. The blonde did so and competely duffed the shot. The pro said 'Your swing is good but you're gripping the club too hard - grip the club gently as you would your husband's penis. ' The blonde took another shot and nailed the ball 275 yards straight down the fairway. The pro said 'That was excellent! Let's try it again only this time take the club out of your mouth. '
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Situations Humor
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. 'I'm not getting out of bed at this time, ' he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. 'Aren't you going to answer that?' sayshis wife. So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opensthe door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take thehomeowner long to realize the man was drunk. 'Hi there. ' slurs the stranger, 'Can you give me a push??' 'No, getlost, it's half past three. I was in bed. ' says the man and slams thedoor. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says 'Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke downin the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitterand you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? Whatwould have happened if he'd told us to get lost??''But the guy was drunk. ' says the husband. 'It doesn't matter. ' says the wife. 'He needs our help and it would bethe right thing to do. 'So the husband out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. Heopens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts:'Hey, do you still want a push??' and he hears a voice cry out 'Yeah please. 'So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts: 'Where are you?'And the stranger replies: 'I'm over here, on your swing. '
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Funny Kids Joke
Teacher: 'does anyone know where the Andes are?'
Jane: 'They're at the end of your armys. '
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Joke for Speeches
There's this young couple, Louise and Al, they've been married for about a year, and the bride isn't getting any sex. Just about every night hubby comes home, has a shower, gets changed and goes down to the pub. She's getting increasingly rampant as the days go on, but each night she is disappointed. Al comes home every night completely hammered and unfit for sexual activity. One particular night when Al gets in from work, Louise is seated provocatively on the sofa, wearing the skimpiest dress she has, suspenders, stockings, and very sexy lace panties and bra. As is always the case, Al comes home runs upstairs, gets ready and goes to the pub. Once again Louise is rejected, so she sits back with a bottle of wine to console herself. Then at 11 pm (well before normal) she hears Al coming up the driveway and opening the front door. Louise re-adopts her sexually provocative pose on the sofa and to her surprise, Al's first words are, 'Right woman, get upstairs - into the bedroom. ''YES!' she says under her breath as she runs upstairs, 'This is the night, I'm gonna get some!'When Louise reaches the bedroom, she removes her outer garments and sits on the edge of the bed in her black lace panties - ready for Al, as he stomps up the stairs. As Al pushes the bedroom door open he says, 'Right, now get your clothes off!'Louise doesn't need telling twice, it's off with everything. 'Now get over in front of the mirror. . , ''Kinky!' she thinks. 'Great!''and do a handstand. . . ''Oh god, I've been waiting for this for ages, ' thinks Louise. . . Al walks over to Louise, parts her legs and places his chin in her crotch. . . 'Perhaps the guys at the bar were right, a beard would suit me!'
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Book title Joke
Mega Bites by Amos Quito
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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