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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of new golf jokes and other funny jokes |
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Various animal Joke
What is a chameleon's motto ? A change is as good as a rest !
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Computer Joke
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do? 'I know, ' said the Branch Manager, 'Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way. ' 'No, no, ' said the Hardware Engineer, 'That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I 've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way. ' 'Well, ' said the Software Engineer, 'Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again. '
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Ethnic Humor
Arkansas Governor Application First name:___________________Last name(if known):_______________________Address (where you live):Mother's name(list also relation, i. e. , sister):__________________Birthdate(yours):____________________Father's name (if known, if not, list two possible choices)______________Color of neck: Light Red( ) Medium Red( ) Dark Red( ) No Neck( )Year of pickup truck:____________ Do you have the following in your truck: Fuzzy Dice( ) Gun Rack( ) Coon Tail( ) Filled ash tray( ) Used Condoms( ) Dead Road Kill( ) Dog of Unknown Breed( )Have you ever been to a large city? (Like Little Rock) Yes( ) No( )How far can you throw cow pies?__________ Do you eat cow pies? Yes( ) No( )Wife's name:__________________ Is she: Cousin( ) Neighbor( ) Sister( ) Mother( ) Neighbor's dog( ) Right hand( )Does your wife weigh: Less than 200 Pounds( ) Less than 300 Pounds( ) Less than a 747( ) More than a 747( )Do you know what a 747 is? Yes( ) No( )How much smarter than you is your wife: 50 IQ Points( ) 75 IQ Points( ) 100 IQ Points( ) She Won't Tell Me( )Does your wife wear: A Dress( ) Pants( ) Hot Pants( ) Your Pants( ) Them Lawyer Clothes( ) Nothing( ) Nothing but an Arkansas U Hog Head Hat( )Color of wife's hair: Blonde( ) Red( ) Brown( ) Black( ) Bald( )Did you understand the previous questions: Yes( ) No( ) What does 'previous' mean?( ) Huh?( ) All of the Above( )Have you ever had: Herpes( ) Jock Rot( ) The Drip( ) Roids( ) Zits( )(Check all that Smelly Feet( ) Toe Jam( ) Bad Breath( ) Tit Munge( ) apply) Ear Wax( ) Long Nasal Hairs( ) Brown Nose( )Have you ever: Castrated a Pig( ) Been Castrated by a Pig( ) Danced to Achey Breaky Heart( ) Had an Achey Breaky Heart( ) Been Mistaken for Elvis( ) Had Fantasies about Toto( ) Had Fantasies about Dorothy and Toto( ) Had Fantasies about Gilligan( ) Had Fantasies about Gilligan and the Skipper Too( ) Inhaled( )Where was your last Elvis sighting?________________ On what date?___________Can you count past five: Yes( ) No( ) Past ten: Yes( ) No( )Explain in ten words or less why on Earth you want to be Governor of Arkansas:Signature (or 'X' if you can't write)________________________________
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Law and Lawyer Joke
A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor. 'Which side is it best to lie on?' she asked. 'The side that pays your fee, ' replied the doctor.
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Stand Up Joke
A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. 'I'll never do that again!' he told his mother that evening. 'I didn't catch a thing!''Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away, ' his mother said. The boy said, 'It wasn't that. She ate all the bait!'
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Bumper Stickers - 5
I've been dieting for the past month, but all I lost was 31 days!!
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Joke for Dummies
What do you call a blonde behind a stearingwheel? An airbag!
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Law Joke
Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury aquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.
'Your honor,' he said, 'I wanna get out a warrent for that dirty lawyer of mine. '
'Why ?' asked the judge. 'He won your aquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for ?'
'Well, your honor,' replied Carlson, 'I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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