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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of new comedy film releases and other funny jokes |
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Easy to Remember Joke
What's better than winning the gold medal at the special olympics?Not being retarded!
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Simple Joke
An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the east coast, he started to head west. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them. The farmer simply replied, 'They're all lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look them over and select the one you want. 'The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion. 'Well' said the man, ' She's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice, but pigeon-toed. 'The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter. The next day, the farmer again asked how things went. 'Well, ' the man replied, 'She's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell, cross-eyed. 'The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did. The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, 'She's perfect, just perfect! She's the one I want to marry!' So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born. When the man visited nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the parents. 'Well, ' explained the farmer, 'She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell, pregnant when you met her. '
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Village Idiot Joke
A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past six months. The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is. The following day, the wife goes to the doctor's office. The doctor asks her what's wrong, why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband? 'Oh, that's easily explained. For the past six months, ' the wife says, 'I've been taking a cab to work every morning. I don't have any money. The cab driver asks me, 'Are you going to pay today, or what?' So, I take an 'or what'. ' 'Then, when I get to work, ' she continues, 'I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'Are we going to write this down in the book, or what?' So, I take an 'or what'. I take a cab to go home after work and, as usual, I have no money. The cab driver asks me again, 'So, are you going to pay this time, or what?' Again, I take an 'or what'. So you see, doc, by the time I get home I'm all tired out and don't want it anymore. ' 'Yes, I see, ' replies the doctor. 'So, are we going to tell your husband, or what?'
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Stupid Blonde Joke
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports carand was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through herpurse and was getting progressively more agitated. 'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it. 'The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it tothe policewoman. 'Here it is, ' she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, 'Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop. '
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Car and train Joke
A fellow was following a truck in heavy traffic. Every block or so, when they were stopped at a stop light, the driver of the truck would jump out of the cab with a big stick and bang on the side of the cargo bay. He'd then jump back into the cab in time to drive away when the signal changed. The first fellow observed this for several miles, until he could stand it no longer. The next time the truck driver jumped out with the stick, the first fellow jumped out and ran up to him. 'I'm sorry to bother you, ' he said, over the din of the banging, 'but I am very curious; could you tell me what you are doing?' Without breaking rhythm, the truck driver replied, 'Sure, Mac. Ya see, this here's a six-ton truck but I've got eight tons of canaries aboard, so I've gotta keep two ton of them flying all the time so I don't break an axle'.
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Knock Knock Joke - 1
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Keith.
Keith who?
Keith me and find out if you love me.
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Police Joke
A cop pulls a car over on the highway for speeding. When he asks for the driver's license, the driver argued, 'Speeding??? But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car the the car in back of me. '
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Redneck Joke
What is the difference between a wicker basket and a wicker box?A wicker basket is what little red riding hood took to grandma's house. A wicker box is what Elmer Fudd did to little red riding hood.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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