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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of my scene fun and games and other funny jokes |
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Computing Joke
EMACS: Escape-Meta-Alt-Control-ShiftEMACS: Eight Megabytes And Constantly SwappingEMACS: Even a Master of Arts Comes SimplerEMACS: Emacs Manuals Are Cryptic and SurrealEMACS: Energetic Merchants Always Cultivate SalesEMACS: Each Manual's Audience is Completely StupifiedEMACS: Emacs Means A Crappy ScreenEMACS: Eventually Munches All Computer StorageEMACS: Even My Aunt Crashes the SystemEMACS: Eradication of Memory Accomplished with Complete SimplicityEMACS: Elsewhere Maybe Alternative Civilizations SurviveEMACS: Egregious Managers Actively Court StallmanEMACS: Esoteric Malleability Always Considered SillyEMACS: Emacs Manuals Always Cause SenilityEMACS: Easily Maintained with the Assistance of Chemical SolutionsEMACS: Edwardian Manifestation of All Colonial SinsEMACS: Extended Macros Are Considered SuperfluousEMACS: Every Mode Accelerates Creation of SoftwareEMACS: Elsewhere Maybe All Commands are SimpleEMACS: Emacs May Allow Customised ScrewupsEMACS: Excellent Manuals Are Clearly SuppressedEMACS: Emetic Macros Assault Core and SegmentationEMACS: Embarrassed Manual-Writer Accused of Communist SubversionEMACS: Extensibility and Modifiability Aggravate Confirmed SimpletonsEMACS: Emacs May Annihilate Command StructuresEMACS: Easily Mangles, Aborts, Crashes and StupifiesEMACS: Extraneous Macros And Commands StinkEMACS: Exceptionally Mediocre Algorithm for Computer ScientistsEMACS: EMACS Makes no Allowances Considering its Stiff priceEMACS: Equine Mammals Are Considerably SmallerEMACS: Embarrassingly Mundane Advertising Cuts SalesEMACS: Every Moron Assumes CCA is SuperiorEMACS: Exceptionally Mediocre Autocratic Control SystemEMACS: EMACS May Alienate Clients and SupportersEMACS: Excavating Mayan Architecture Comes SimplerEMACS: Erasing Minds Allows Complete SubmissionEMACS: Emacs Makers Are Crazy SickosEMACS: Eenie-Meenie-Miney-Mo- Macros Are Completely SlowEMACS: Experience the Mildest Ad Campaign ever SeenEMACS: Emacs Makefiles Annihilate C- ShellsEMACS: Eradication of Memory Accomplished with Complete SimplicityEMACS: Emetic Macros Assault Core and SegmentationEMACS: Epileptic MLisp Aggravates Compiler SeizuresEMACS: Evenings, Mornings, And a Couple of SaturdaysEMACS: Emacs Makes All Computing SimpleEMACS: Emacs Masquerades As Comfortable ShellEMACS: Emacs: My Alternative Computer StoryEMACS: Emacs Made Almost Completely ScrewedEMACS: Each Mail A Continued SurpriseEMACS: Every Mode Acknowledges Customized Strokes EMACS: Eating Memory And Cycle-SuckingEMACS: Everyday Material Almost Compiled SuccessfullyEMACS: Elvis Masterminds All Computer SoftwareEMACS: Emacs Makes A Computer Slow
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Totally Weird Joke
A certain young man finally got a date with a female of somewhat questionable morals that lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, he fell asleep while on the roof and managed to get a sunburn on his 'tool'. But, determined not to miss his date, he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. When the hot date showed up at his apartment, the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a video. During the video, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain. The date, meanwhile, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his dingy immersed in a glass of milk. Upon seeing this, the she exclaimed - 'So, that's how you guys load those things!'
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Banana Joke
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
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Political Joke
Q: How many Labour Party members does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: None. They haven't got a policy on that.
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Men Joke
How is a man like a snow fall? -You never know how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
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Kids Joke
Little Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asks the chemist for some rubbers. The chemist puts a pack of rubbers on the counter. Johnny looks at therubbers and asks the chemist if he has any other kind. The chemist goesinto the back and brings out another pack. 'Nah, ' says Johnny, 'what elsedo you have?' 'Well, ' the chemist replies, 'the only other kind that Ihave are the ones with all the bumps and ridges on them. Do you know whatthese will do to a woman?' Little Johnny says, 'No. . . but they'll make agoat jump about two feet off of the ground!'
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Dirty Joke
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.
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Food and Drink Joke
One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself. Tom wasn't happy about that: 'When are you going to learn to be polite?' Bill: 'If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?' Tom: 'The smaller piece, of course. ' Bill: 'What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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