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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of montreal comedy festival and other funny jokes |
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Witch Joke
Why did the witch lose her way? Because her hat was pointing in the wrong direction.
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Idiot and fool Joke
An army sergeant told Private Perkins to go to the end of the line. He did, but then returned. 'I thought I told you to go to the end of the line, ' barked the NCO. 'Why did you come back?' 'Because there's already somebody there!'
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Bar Joke , beer, booze and fun!
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing. 'What's so funny?' the bartender asked. 'That stupid Dave!' the fellow chortled, 'He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!'
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Free Adult Joke
$HOME = /dev/'null'. 3K RAM free, no EMS. A . 22 caliber intellect in a . 357 Magnum world. A 10K brain attached to a 9600 baud mouth. A 20th century man. . . The guy has no future. A 3. 5-inch drive, but data on punch cards. A black-and-white mind working on a color-coded problem. A brain like a BB in a boxcar / box of Corn Flakes. A couple of slates short of a full roof. A couplet short of a sonnet. A cup and saucer short of a place setting. A day late and a dollar short. A deadbolt with a broken cylinder. A doughnut short of being a cop. A few beads short in her rosary. A few beans short of chili. A few beers short of a six-pack / a six-pack short of a case. A few birds shy of a flock. A few blocks short of a filesystem. A few bombs/melons short of a full load. A few bricks short of a wall / hod / load / pile. A few chips short of a cookie. A few clowns short of a circus. A few clues shy of a solution. A few cold solder joints. A few ears short of a bushel. A few feathers short of a whole duck. A few few cylinders short of a full re-format. A few fish short of a string. A few french fries / one hamburger short of a Happy Meal.
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Computing Joke
10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels. 9. When was the last time you tuned in to 'Melrose Place' and got a 'Error 404' message? 8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even on MTV. 7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening. 6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard. 5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an 'Under Construction' sign. 4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in. 3. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web. 2. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO. 1. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.
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Business Joke
Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan's well-oiled economic machine. It's only a mater of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail. What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it's something much more economically debilitating - and permanent. Three American lawyers have become the first foreign attorneys permitted to practice law in Japan. What's more, two of them are from New York!The decline has begun. Japan has one attorney for every '10
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Business Joke
Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office. 'What is the meaning of this?' the director asked. 'When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held. ' 'Well, ' the young man replied, 'in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination. '
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Vampire Joke
Where is Dracula's American office? The Vampire State Building.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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