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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of mobile text jokes and other funny jokes |
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Bumper Stickers - 4
If at first you don't succeed. . . blame someone else and seek counseling.
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Children Joke
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. Itwas a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenlythere was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, 'What's so funny Pat?''Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters. ''Get out of my classroom, ' she yells, 'I don't want to see you for three days. 'The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title theassignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an evenlouder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, 'What's so funnyBilly?''Well miss, I just saw both of your garters. 'Again she yells, 'Get out of my classroom!' This time the punishment is more severe, 'I don't want to see you for three weeks. 'Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. Soshe bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter fromanother male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving theclassroom. 'Where do you think you are going?' she asks. 'Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!'
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War Joke
The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamedof working since a young boy. He was trying to impressthe Master Chief with his expertise learned in Sub School. The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, 'Listen, 'sir
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Kids Puns
A soldier goes into the hospital for surgery after being wounded inbattle. Waking up from the anesthesia he sees his doctor standing at hisbedside. 'So tell me Doc, what did you do to me?'The doctor says, 'Son, we have some good news and some bad news. ''Yeah, what?' replies the patient. 'Well the good news is that we were able to save your privateparts. ''Yes, that is good news Doc, but what about the bad news?''We put them under your pillow!'
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Animal World
First snake:I hope I'm not poisonous. Second snake:Why?First snake:Because I bit my lip!
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Weird Women Joke
The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life scienceclassroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The questiondirected: 'Give four advantages of breast milk. ' What to write? Hesighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping forthe best:1. No need to boil. 2. Cats can't steal it. 3. Available whenever necessary. So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:4. Available in attractive containers.
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Silliest Joke
When a man in Macon, Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands. A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, 'Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal. ' The hero, however, told the journalist that he wasn't from Macon. 'Well, then, ' the reporter said, 'the headline will probably say, 'Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog. ' 'Actually, ' the man said, 'I'm from Connecticut. ' 'In that case, ' the reporter said in a huff, 'the headline will read, 'Yankee Kills Family Pet. '
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Marriage Joke
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife 'Mother of Six' in spite of her objections. One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home, Mother of Six?' His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts back, 'Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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