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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of mass market paperback and other funny jokes |
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Insect Joke
What insect runs away from everything ? A flee !
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Instrument Joke
From 'Late Show with David Letterman' on Tuesday, August '9
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School Joke
What do history teachers make when they want to get together? Dates!
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Sporting Joke
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former. LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant 'You looked up,' or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.
LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.
LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?
LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.
LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.
LAW 14: Golf balls from the same 'sleeve' tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (see Law 3)
LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
LAW 16: 'Nice lag' can usually be translated to 'lousy putt. ' Similarly, 'tough break' can usually be translated 'way to miss an easy one, sucker. '
LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.
LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset of the same day.
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Comedy Joke
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God. 'Lord, I have a problem!''What's the problem, Eve?''Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy. ''Why is that, Eve?' came the reply from above. 'Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples. ''Well Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you. ''What's a man, Lord?''Man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But. . . he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice to think properly. ''Sounds great!' says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. What's the catch, Lord?''Well. . . you can have him on one condition. ''What's that, Lord?''As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring. . . So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. Just remember, it's our little secret. . . You know, woman to woman. '
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Funny Kids Joke
What do you do when two snails have a fight?Leave them to slug it out!
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Medical Joke
Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said. When did you first notice this problem?What problem?
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Political Joke
Q: How many believable, competent, 'just right for the job' presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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