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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of magners comedy festival glasgow and other funny jokes |
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Mad Joke
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?A: Because they can understand them.
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Mad Joke
Back in the old west, there was a need to connect the east and the west with a telegraph line. The Manager of the project advertised for workers to complete the job. Three groups responded. A team of Irishmen, a group of Italians, and a final team composed of Blondes. Since none of the groups would work with anyone from the other two groups, the project supervisor decided to assign each group to a different part of the line, and then see which team set the most poles. The first task was to set the poles. The Supervisor sent each group out to a different location. Before they left, he advised all three groups that the one to bury the most poles today, would receive a bonus. At the end of the day, the foreman of the Italians reported back to the Supervisor. The Supervisor inquired of him how many poles had been set by his team. He answered48. The Supervisor was delighted. He advised the Italian to stay awhile until he heard how the Irishmen and the Blondes had done. . . Next to report was the foreman of the Irishmen group. When asked, he reported that they had set 53 poles that day. Again the Superivsor was thrilled. He dismissed the Italian foreman and asked the Irishman to remain until the Blondes checked in. A little while later the Blonde forewoman reported to the Supervisor. 'How many poles did your group set?' He asked. 'Two. ' Replied the Blonde forewoman. 'What! Just, two!' exclaimed the Supervisor. 'The Italians set 48 poles, and the Irishmen set53. How could you Blondes have only set two poles?''It may be true the Italians and Irishmen buried more poles than us, ' replied the Blonde. 'But you should see how much of the poles those bozos left sticking out of the ground!'
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Joke Online
If a month would be only 24 hrs long, we would get paid every day and women would bleed to death.
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Fat chicks make my car scrape!
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Funny Famous Joke
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, 'You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!' His buddy looks at him and says, 'Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'You as horny as I am?' . . . and, she always acts like she's sound asleep!'
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Bumper Stickers - 2
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
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Joke for Holidays
Three Proofs that Jesus was Jewish:1. He went into his father's business. 2. He lived at home until the age of33. 3. He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God. Three Proofs that Jesus was Irish:1. He never got married. 2. He never held a steady job. 3. His last request was a drink. Three Proofs that Jesus was Puerto Rican:1. His first name was Jesus. 2. He was always in trouble with the law. 3. His mother wasn't married to his father. Three Proofs that Jesus was Italian:1. He talked with his hand. 2. He had wine with every meal. 3. He worked in the building trades. Three Proofs that Jesus was Black:1. He called everybody brother. 2. He had no permanent address. 3. Nobody would hire him. Three Proofs that Jesus was Californian:1. He never cut his hair. 2. He walked around barefoot. 3. He invented a new religion.
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Dumb Men Joke
What do you call a man who opens the car door for you? A chauffeur.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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