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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of magic made fun and other funny jokes |
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Business Joke
1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible
Addendum:
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines
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Doctor and nurse Joke
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. 'You aren't so good in bed either!' he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. 'What took you so long to answer?' 'I was in bed. ' 'What were you doing in bed this late?' 'Getting a second opinion. '
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Humor Joke
Mother: Fred, why did you put a slug in your grandma's bed? Fred: Because I couldn't find a snake.
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Weird Women Joke
Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, 'I hear that you've been telling people that I'm ugly!' 'Oh NO! I've just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive. ' 'I also heard thatyou've been calling me fat?!?' 'Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are. ' 'I've also heard that you're saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!' 'Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!'
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Bar Joke , beer, booze and fun!
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey. The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says 'Do you know your monkey stole my beer. ' The pianist replies 'No, but if you hum it, I'll play it. '
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Mad Joke
This guy is getting married and he is a bit nervous since he is not too experienced. So he asks his best man to come along on the honeymoon and give a few pointers. The best man exclaims, 'Come on man, its your honeymoon, you're supposed to be spending time with your wife, not your best friend!' To which the groom replies that he has already paid for a room next door to his for the best man. After much coercion, the best man give in and decides to go along. They work out a system where the best man will pound on the wall and shout advice if he hears anything going wrong. So the honeymoon comes and goes, and the bride and groom go to the honeymoon suite of the hotel, and the best man goes to his room next door. After a few moments, the bride gets undressed, but the groom gets so nervous he runs into the bathroom and locks the door. After about five minutes of waiting, the bride says, 'honey, are you coming out, I have to go to the bathroom!'The groom replies, 'I will be out in a few minutes, hon, I'll be ready soon. 'After a few more minutes, the bride can't wait any longer, so she rummages under the bed where all the wedding gifts are stashed, grabs a box, unwraps it, pulls out the fondue pot, shits in it, wipes with the tissue paper, closes it and shoves it under the bed. Just then the groom, having summoned his manly nerve walks out of the bathroom. The bride, being feminine and all, goes into the bathroom to stall for a few minutes so the groom won't know what she did. The groom, sitting on the bed =sniff* notices this awful smell!*sniff* *sniff* Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! *sniff* What can that be? He looks under the bed, finds the box, pulls it out and exclaims, 'Honey, there's shit in your box!!!'Boom! Boom! Boom! (There's pounding on the wall. . . ) The best man yells from the other room, 'Turn her over, turn her over!'
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Salesmen Joke
One day Mikey was sitting in his apartment when his doorbell unexpectedly rang. He answered the door and found a salesman standing on his porch with a strange object. 'What is that?' Mikey asked. 'It's a thermos, ' the salesman replied. 'What does it do?' asked Mikey. 'This baby, ' the salesman said, 'keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. ' After some deliberation Mikey bought one, deciding it would really help his lunch situation. The next day he arrived at the plant where he works. Sure enough, all the other employees were curious about his new object. 'What is it?' they asked. 'It's a thermos, ' Mikey replied. 'What does it do?' they asked. 'Well, ' Mikey says in a bragging manner, 'It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. ' 'What do ya got in it?' To which Mikey says, 'Three cups of coffee and a popsicle. '
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Father Joke
Joey and Katie are sitting in school.
Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.
'Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?' Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
'Jesus Christ almighty! !' Exclaimed Katie.
'Co
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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