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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of magic joke shop cambridge and other funny jokes |
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Computer Joke
This customer comes into the computer store. 'I'm looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. You know, something really challenging. ' 'Well, ' replied the clerk, 'Have you tried Windows 98?'
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Medical Joke
Jon's working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency room. The doctor says, 'Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do. 'Jon says, 'I haven't got the fingers. 'The doctor says, 'What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's 1998. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?'Jon says, 'Well, shit, Doc, I couldn't pick 'em up. '
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Comedy Joke
Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be80. Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now. Doctor: See, what did I tell you!
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Weird Facts
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.
The phrase 'rule of thumb' is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
Roses may be red, but violets are indeed violet.
By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.
Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than three steps backwards while dancing!
The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries.
The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.
Bats always turn left when exiting a cave!
In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Men can read smaller print then women can; women can hear better.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000
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Military Joke
The cavalryman was galloping down the road, rushing to catch up with his regiment. Suddenly his horse stumbled and pitched him to the ground. Lying in the dirt with a broken leg, terrified of the approaching enemy, the soldier called out: 'All you saints in heaven, help me get up on my horse!' Then, with superhuman effort, he leaped onto the horse's back and fell off the other side. Once again on the ground, he called to the heavens: 'All right, just half of you this time!'
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Computer Joke
Another customer called Tech Support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked 'What power switch?'
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Book title Joke
What's Up, Doc? by Howie Dewin
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Journalist Joke
What do you get if you cross a sports reporter with a vegetable ? A common tater !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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